Yesterday morning at 4 a.m. I was awoken by my phone going off. I rolled over and tried to focus my eyes on the notifications that were still coming in and wondered what could possibly be going on at 4 a.m.

As I started to read the alerts coming in from CNN, Fox News, and other news outlets I instantly became alert. I had to read it and then read it again. Surely something had been a typo.

“20+ killed, 100+ injured.”

Those were the words I read over and over. I rolled over unlocked my phone and began to watch any live video the internet would provide me. As I realized what had taken place my mind went in a thousand different directions at once.

How could this happen? Who had done this? How much higher could/would the numbers get? My mind was racing.

I am not a person who has ever suffered from anxiety, but this morning I did. I felt angry, sad, devastated for the victims and their families, and scared. I laid in bed and watched the news unfold and the numbers of injured and killed increase and couldn’t help but cry.

The point of attacks like these is to scare us. No matter what the motive, who carries the attack out, the idea is to disrupt our way of life and make us scared. For about an hour I laid in bed and felt like if I never got up I would be safe.

After that hour of crippling fear, I turned to God.

I prayed for probably 2 hours straight. Seeking comfort for the victims, their families, even, selfishly, seeking comfort for myself. At one point I even prayed for Him to come now. The world seems so dark, evil, and hopeless sometimes. That’s when one of my best friends reminded me that God needs Christian’s in the world. He needs us to be the light in the times of darkness. He needs people that will show love and compassion when it seems like such things could never exist.

Several verses came to mind as I thought about what my friend had said. We must be the light in the dark. We must choose love over hate. We must choose good over evil.

Matthew 5:14-16 – ¹⁴ You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill that cannot be hidden.¹⁵ Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in Heaven.

Psalms 91:1-16 – ¹ He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. ² I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.” ³ Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler^[a]And from the perilous pestilence. ⁴ He shall cover you with His feathers, And under His wings, you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler. ⁵ You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, Nor of the arrow that flies by day, ⁶ Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness, Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday. ⁷ A thousand may fall at your side, And ten thousand at your right hand; But it shall not come near you. ⁸ Only with your eyes shall you look, And see the reward of the wicked. ⁹ Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place, ¹⁰ No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; ¹¹ For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. ¹² In their hands, they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone. ¹³ You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot. ¹⁴ “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high because he has known My name. ¹⁵ He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. ¹⁶ With long life, I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation.”

After reading this, I started to calm down. I realized that bad things happen, even to good people, and that in a world of evil it is even more important for us to stand together. Today I hope people see that we are not White vs. Black or Democrat vs. Republican.

We are Americans.

And we will push forward from this tragedy.

As of right now, reports are of 59 killed and 515+ injured. Those are fathers, mothers, grandfathers, grandmothers, brothers, sisters, wives, husbands, brothers, and sisters to someone, and they were taken in a senseless act of violence. My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone involved in the shooting, and to the United States of America as a country, and to the World.