“When the praises go up, the blessings come down”
It’s a phrase that has been repeated throughout my life in various forms.
“Give all praise to the Most High”
“Always say your prayers”
“Thank God every day”
As kids, our parents and guardians remind us of this, our Sunday school teachers drill this into us each early Sunday morning, and our peers mock us for believing in a power higher than ourselves. Yet, do they really know what they are mocking us for? Beyond this, do we really know what we are praying for?
I remember as a child in Sunday school I would sit and listen to Bible stories, in awe of how David slayed Goliath and how after Daniel was in the Lion’s Den overnight, the king found him unharmed and peaceful. This stories shook me to my core. Our God must be so much greater than we can even imagine if he protects the most vulnerable. Yet, as I learned story after story and I became more and more in awe, I also became more and more distant. These things, these incredible acts, would never happen to me in my lifetime.
As I grew up. I began to have doubt. If God did such amazing things and saved so many people, why didn’t he save my dad? Why are there babies and children all over the world dying? Why are so many people living in poverty when God is supposed to provide for ALL people? These questions and more would rack my brain, keeping me up late at night, tossing and turning and waiting for answers that never came.
As I think on my testimony and advance in my faith journey, I think this is a crucial part that needs to be addressed. I believe that questioning God is a big step into faith. I remember getting ready to tell my story to girls in my small group and I was hesitant to explain the ways in which I had doubted God in my life. Yet, as I conjured the strength to do it and I shared, it was incredible how many others had asked similar questions.
Yet, as I also had reflected back on my faith journey, I realized that over time, my questions became prayers. I began to pray for a light in the darkness that was my grief and I increasingly saw signs connected to my dad. I began to pray for forgiveness for the bullying and berating of my brother by my own doing and God gave me reconciliation. I prayed that I would forgive those who trespass against me and for others to accept my forgiveness for my own wrongdoings.
Everything I had questioned before and so much more-
“Will I ever have any connection with my dad?”
“Will my brother ever forgive me?”
“Will I be able to forgive those who have hurt me the most?”
-became prayers- and furthermore, blessings.
Every real thing I prayed for became so real for me in these moments (and in those following) that I can truly, deeply say that I am blessed.
