The other day, I asked my sister if she wanted to run errands with me. "You can never be alone," she teased. Although she was just joking, I couldn't stop thinking about what she said. Why is the concept of being alone so terrifying? Even when we are so-called "alone,” we constantly rely on some form of communication -- texting, talking on the phone, checking social media -- to keep ourselves occupied. Everything from friends and relationships to technology serve as distractions that prevent us from getting to know ourselves better. How often do we take a step back, breathe, and appreciate our own company? How can we love ourselves if we don't even truly know who we are?
Our past experiences determine how we cope with being alone. Some people, like me, love being in a relationship. The other day I realized that I’ve been officially or unofficially dating someone since I was 15. I've never really had the opportunity to get to know myself because I was always too invested in someone else. Why is "serial dating" on the rise? It’s reassuring to know that there will always be someone there to listen. Whether or not that person is the right fit for us, we don't want to be alone. We equate being alone with loneliness.
This summer I've challenged myself to take more time alone. Being alone is the key to self-discovery, self-appreciation, and self-awareness. If we can feel secure in ourselves, we can overcome the most unlikely challenges.
But where’s the balance between too much alone time and not enough? We crave acceptance and recognize the importance of personal relationships. We don't want to just cut people out because we want to "find ourselves;" that's selfish and unrealistic. Here is the way I look at it: don't spend time with people just because you need something to do. People can sense that, and you'll never develop meaningful relationships. You'll fall into the habit of taking people for granted simply because you don't know how to be alone. When you're with your friends, be present. Put forth your best effort, and you'll see positive results. Good relationships must be fostered over time. Build and maintain those relationships with people who enhance the quality of your life.
I'm not asking you to become a flower child, dump your boyfriend or girlfriend, and go find yourself. I'm just asking you to think differently about the concept of being alone. Look at it as an opportunity to get to know yourself better. Once you are comfortable being alone, you'll value the time you spend with other people so much more.
