5 Stages of the Pottermore Experience

Denial

Obviously this quiz is wrong. It is only a silly algorithm that can not possibly be entirely accurate for every person that takes it. The questions just weren't diverse enough to distinguish the nuances between a Slytherin and a Ravenclaw. I mean it isn't the magical sorting hat after all, its only a sad muggle attempt at such a thing. Obviously it doesn't even really matter what it sorted me as since this isn't a Hogwarts entrance exam or anything. Really not even a big deal.

Anger

WHAT! NO! THIS IS A BIG DEAL! ARE YOU SERIOUSLY JOKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW "POTTERMORE"? YOU THINK THIS IS ALL JUST A GAME AND MY RESULTS ON THIS SORTING QUIZ DON'T MATTER AND THAT'S WHY YOU THINK IT'S OKAY TO SHATTER EVERY PRECONCEIVED NOTION OF WHO I AM WITH ONE WORD? SLYTHERIN? YOU THINK YOU'RE SO SMART. HUH! THINK YOU'RE AS GOOD AS A MAGICAL FREAKING SORTING HAT THAT TALKS!? WELL YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE JUST A STUPID USELESS INCORRECT ONLINE QUIZ THAT MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AND WILL CEASE TO EXIST WITHOUT THE SUPPORT OF THE INTERNET UNLIKE THE PAPER COUNTER PART YOU FUTILELY ATTEMPT TO MIMIC THAT PEOPLE WILL CONTINUE TO READ ABOUT LONG AFTER THE CRASH OF THE ELECTRONIC WORLD AND THE NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE! WHILE THEY'RE CUDDLING AROUND THEIR TINY FIRE TO STAY WARM AMIDST THE DESERT OF NUCLEAR WASTE THEY WON'T REMEMBER PATHETIC LITTLE YOU, THEY'LL READ FROM THE TORN PAGES ABOUT THE REAL SORTING HAT!

Bargaining

Maybe I can just retake it? I'll just make a new account and get a new set of questions and really really think about the answers this time. Obviously last time I just rushed because I was excited and so my answers were not actually my answers. This time I'll take it like I'd take any other test. I'll get a good nights sleep, have a nice breakfast, wear my favorite clothes and listen to my favorite songs. This will correct the mistake the online sorting hat obviously made. It's probably just because I haven't really been into the pursuit of knowledge lately. I've been pretty busy and I bet if I just renew my efforts and get back to my norm then retake it the results will come out much better. Yeah, that will definitely fix it!

Depression

Slytherin? Me? Am I really that kind of person? I mean, why am I even double majoring and trying to help people.. Am I just fooling myself completely trying to be someone I'm not? What's the point of even going to classes if I'm obviously not as enthralled with learning as I thought I was. Double majoring is a lot of effort. Is it really worth it? Do I even really want to help people? What could I even do for them that someone else couldn't? Slytherin.. Have I been like this my whole life and never admitted it? I guess I spent all that time trying to be better for no reason. I guess I can't really change who I am. Why even try to do anything or improve anything it isn't like it ever actually changes anything. Everything just sucks and will always suck. Even if I do manage to make it through my double major craziness and medical school and graduate school after that if I help one group of people there will always be another group that's still suffering. There's no way I can help them all because the problem is from people. I can't even change myself how am I supposed to ever change other people. Why even try?

Acceptance

I guess Slytherin are normally strong leaders. That's not a terrible quality. They're pretty resourceful and clever, those aren't bad qualities either. I mean when used properly that's one effective combination. Even if they don't always follow the rules, not all rules are worth following. I mean, plenty of things used to be against the rules that aren't now. Women can vote now and people can marry people they love regardless of gender. Even Harry Potter WAS a Slytherin, but he chose to be in Gryffindor and Harry wasn't a terrible guy. I could probably make this work. I actually love their colors and snakes ARE pretty neat. Snake babies are ready to fend for themselves right after they hatch out of their eggs, that's pretty awesome. I even look pretty good in green and silver. I don't even really like gold. I can totally make this work! I am resourceful and ambitious! I do tend to think through my actions and I am a fairly strong leader!

I am a Slytherin!