Waking up outside the operating theater, I felt like I was finally able to let go of all my words. I might have been a little lightheaded from not eating or drinking anything for almost 24 hours, still doped up on anesthesia, or perhaps just struck by the sheer surrealism of knowing this was only the first time I would have to go through this, but the point is, it’s easier to speak now.
I just hope that sharing my experiences can teach you something, much like they've taught me something. After all, that’s why we’re here, right? To learn something from and teach something to this world. While my Instagram feed was flooded with pictures of friends and family rejoicing for New Year’s and celebrating their winter holidays, I was sitting in the ICU hooked to an IV steroid drip and blood pressure monitor. My autoimmune disease (Takayasu’s Arteritis), which causes inflammation in my descending aorta, was choking off the arteries leading to my kidneys. I've always been unusually asymptomatic when it's come to any changes in my health, and my most recent brush with fate wasn't any different. It wasn't until after I had to have surgery, when I finally saw the imaging of my battered blood vessels and the vascular surgeon came in to explain to me the severity of the issue and how close I had come to losing my kidneys that the reality of the past week’s events finally slapped me full on in the face.
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So, now what? That's the nature of life - it doesn't give two cares about your plan, who you are, or if you're ready. Anything can happen. Your strength of character is defined by what you choose to take from your experiences moving forward. How do you react and adapt to unforeseen circumstances? Do you lose sight of yourself or can you find yourself and focus on who you want to become? Can you salvage strength from seemingly meaningless suffering and disadvantages? For you, who always says "tomorrow", or who always convinces yourself that "when ___ happens, I will ___", be a little bolder. I want to remind you that it is okay to invest in yourself more. I want to remind you that time is precious and irreplaceable -- don't waste it. Whether it was being asymptomatic, living with my disease for so many years, or any other combination of factors, I know that I had grown complacent with my health - the one thing I absolutely cannot afford to compromise on. In a way, my kidney problems are almost a blessing in disguise, because they reenergized my enthusiasm to take care of myself and my drive to always make the most of everything.
