From the time we are old enough to understand things, we are taught that the next step in our life is always going to be harder. When you're in middle school, your teachers never fail to tell you that high school teachers aren't going to put up with your crap. When you're in high school, you always hear about how hard college is and how professors aren't going to cut you any slack. Which is in fact a lie because college professors will literally go out of their way to help good students, but I digress.
The problem is nobody actually tells you how hard life is after you graduate college. Sure, you're done skeezing adderall, pulling all-nighters, and working on assignments that you put off for three weeks, but that's not the kind of stuff I'm talking about. The hardest part about living life post-graduation is figuring out what social behaviors are acceptable and which ones are not.
The first thing you need to do is find gainful employment. If you have graduated from college, but don't have a job, then this article does not apply to you. Simply because you can still participate in tomfoolery on a regular basis.
This is for people that are graduated, have found a job, and want to figure out where to set their limits.
I have developed these simple do's and don'ts after four long months of being an adult. It has been difficult and has come with much trial and error.
DRINKING:
First and foremost, I want to make it clear that a big DO is to continue to go out drinking on weekends. But a big DON'T is going out drinking on work nights.
Unless you know it's going to be a slow day, and you don't have to make a presentation or anything like that. Just remember: Drinking is cool, but trying to associate with colleagues or clients while looking like Charlie Sheen after a three-day bender is not cool.
Do: Drink.
Don't: Drink quite as often as you did in college, but still make sure you can hang with the best of them.
Do: Go to happy hour with your colleagues if they invite you.
Don't: Get drunk and ask the hot woman you work with if "what's his name" (referring to her husband) has been treating her right.
OFFICE ETIQUETTE:
Working in an office can be pleasant because you're around other people during the day and you have a less chance of being bored. It could also suck if you work with people that suck. No need to explain any further.
So what is some proper office etiquette?
Do: Keep your work area neat. Nobody likes looking at a desk with all of your unfinished work on it.
Don't: Change people's desktop background while they're out to lunch from a picture of their family to a picture of Harambe.
Do: Socially engage with colleagues at the water cooler to build relationships.
Don't: Start rumors about Pamela just because she didn't say "Good Morning" back to you that one time.
SOCIAL GATHERINGS:
Unfortunately, after you graduate you stop going to as many themed parties and start going to more house warming parties and these things called "dinners." It sucks. But, how do you make it through these without being a complete asshole? It's simple, follow these tips.
Do: Bring a gift to your friend's child's birthday party.
Don't: Ask the questionably 18-year-old at the same party what she's doing afterwards.
Do: Act surprised and happy when you find out it's either a boy or a girl at the gender reveal party.
Don't: Give the couple that's expecting a baby a card that just says the word "sorry" on it. Not cool man.
HOME LIFE:
If you're anything like me, you are fortunate enough to have your own house. This is awesome, but it comes with some responsibilities.
Do: Cut your grass. Just do it. You're grown now.
Don't: Tell Paul your neighbor to, "Kiss your ass" when he claims your music is "too loud." I guess it's OK for Paul to argue with his wife in the back yard so loudly that everyone can hear, AND you don't see me throwing a fit when their little dweeb son is outside picking on my dogs throwing rocks at them and making them bark. And I definitely don't pick on him for sitting at the bus stop by himself while all the other kids are down the street laughing and having a good time, you're probably mean to their dogs too!
Wow I got off track... Anyways.
These simple tips can make the horrors of living your post-grad life a little less awful than what they already are.
Also, don't do that thing where you act like your job is a lot more important than what it really is.
"Yeah man, I just finished up handling the finances for a pretty large account."
"Dude, you're a bank teller."
