You’re a few months out of a relationship, you’re lying around the house on a boring night, and you just can’t stop wishing you had someone, even your ex, to fill the void of pure boredom that is consuming you. You begin to picture all of the things you could be doing if you had a significant other -- romantic night out, cozy movie night in -- and you begin to wallow in self-pity, maybe even call your mom to get a good old self-esteem boost. We’ve all been there. As a matter of fact, that’s where I was up until a few months ago.
Only five or six months out of a long relationship, there have been many points where I let myself ruminate about all of the things I felt I was missing out on because I was single. What I recently realized was that there are more things I am now able to experience, and what took me a while to understand was that I was now able to live completely for MYSELF. Suddenly, sweet nothings I always found myself doing for my boyfriend became things I did for myself.
In my opinion, taking time away from relationships to focus solely on my own well-being has been nothing but rewarding, and has even helped me form multiple new friendships. When I was in a relationship, I was slightly resistant to branching out and meeting new people. I just didn’t see a point. My boyfriend and a few close friends was all I wanted and needed, or so I thought. After my break-up, I had more of a desire to get to know new people, and this helped me find some of the my closest friends.
These days, my confidence level has reached a zenith. I no longer dress up to impress anyone but myself. I no longer do ANYTHING to impress anyone but myself. I can honestly say that I am stronger now than I have ever been before because I have learned how to rely on myself for happiness, and not on a boyfriend.
Sometimes I found myself using my boyfriend as a crutch, and was dependent on him and his opinions of me in order to feel whole and secure. Looking back, I realized how unhealthy my mindset was. I do not need a significant other to validate my worth.
If I were to become involved in another relationship, then I would form it with a much healthier, less dependent state of mind. If I hadn’t spent these past few months on my own, I would never have had the opportunity to do some soul-searching and begin my own pursuit of happiness. I would have never known what it was like to feel refreshed when you don’t have to answer to a boyfriend or girlfriend, or feel restricted from doing something you would originally want to do for the sake of their happiness and the standing of your relationship. As Kristin Chenoweth once said, “If you can learn to love yourself and all the flaws, you can love other people so much better. And that makes you so happy.”
