Everyone likes going on summer vacation
Including even the leader of the Russian nation
When not bombing the Caucasus or conducting illegal invasions
Vladimir Putin poses shirtless for every occasion
Laying back in the sun, decked out in sunglasses
He sits back and watches as the time passes
Maybe he thinks his body will pick up all the lasses
Or maybe he's letting loose, and passing lots of gasses
But relaxation isn't the only thing he's fond of
Still wearing his shades, he looks kinda like a Russian Bono
He casts out his fishing rod into a big pond
And cooks it up and eats it as dusk goes to dawn
Putin is no stranger to bearing his chest
He likes to go shirtless because he thinks he's the best
In 2009, he rode a horse and became the subject of internet jest
Putin is pretty pale, he must be wearing 50 SPF!
But Putin isn't the only right-wing political figure
Who's fond of disrobing and posing for pictures
Alex Jones takes his shirt off when talking about Illuminati killers
And also when he's about to chow down and eat dinner
Alex Jones takes his shirt off even more than Vlad!
Even though his upper body looks very, very bad
When pushing quack medical supplements like they're the latest fad
Alex Jones poses for photos, that can only be described as - Sad!
Recently his ex-wife said in a deposition
Alex Jones takes his shirt off even during counseling sessions!
It seems as if Jones has no inhibitions
When engaging in upper-body expositions
Alex Jones even takes his shirt off on-air
Leaving his chest completely bare
He talks about how Building 7 disappeared into thin air
Even though no planes hit over there!
One must wonder why people of right-wing pedigree
Feel the need to display in this way their own masculinity
Maybe they have their own issues; they're self-conscious and compensating
Whatever it is, it's really, really, really embarrassing
Dear reader, you've seen how macho Putin and Alex Jones are
But what you're about to see next will leave you scarred
The next picture in this poem should be against the law
It's far more disturbing than anything you've seen so far
This next picture is a massive error
It reflects badly on the entire human species - all of us together
In the primordial contest of "Whose chest is barer?"
No one is worse than Geraldo Rivera!
