Everyone likes going on summer vacation

Including even the leader of the Russian nation

When not bombing the Caucasus or conducting illegal invasions

Vladimir Putin poses shirtless for every occasion

Laying back in the sun, decked out in sunglasses

He sits back and watches as the time passes

Maybe he thinks his body will pick up all the lasses

Or maybe he's letting loose, and passing lots of gasses

But relaxation isn't the only thing he's fond of

Still wearing his shades, he looks kinda like a Russian Bono

He casts out his fishing rod into a big pond

And cooks it up and eats it as dusk goes to dawn

Putin is no stranger to bearing his chest

He likes to go shirtless because he thinks he's the best

In 2009, he rode a horse and became the subject of internet jest

Putin is pretty pale, he must be wearing 50 SPF!

But Putin isn't the only right-wing political figure

Who's fond of disrobing and posing for pictures

Alex Jones takes his shirt off when talking about Illuminati killers

And also when he's about to chow down and eat dinner

Alex Jones takes his shirt off even more than Vlad!

Even though his upper body looks very, very bad

When pushing quack medical supplements like they're the latest fad

Alex Jones poses for photos, that can only be described as - Sad!

Recently his ex-wife said in a deposition

Alex Jones takes his shirt off even during counseling sessions!

It seems as if Jones has no inhibitions

When engaging in upper-body expositions

Alex Jones even takes his shirt off on-air

Leaving his chest completely bare

He talks about how Building 7 disappeared into thin air

Even though no planes hit over there!

One must wonder why people of right-wing pedigree

Feel the need to display in this way their own masculinity

Maybe they have their own issues; they're self-conscious and compensating

Whatever it is, it's really, really, really embarrassing

Dear reader, you've seen how macho Putin and Alex Jones are

But what you're about to see next will leave you scarred

The next picture in this poem should be against the law

It's far more disturbing than anything you've seen so far

This next picture is a massive error

It reflects badly on the entire human species - all of us together

In the primordial contest of "Whose chest is barer?"

No one is worse than Geraldo Rivera!