I miss you.
I do, I truly do.
It's something that I've found hard to admit.
I've spent days, weeks, months holding the idea far away from me,
The forbidden fruit,
The idea of you,
Waiting for me to break,
Waiting for me to come back and lose every bit of independence I thought I had.
It knows,
You know.
But I admit to making myself blissfully ignorant,
I am strong.
I don't need you...
But it's hard to ignore the lurching feeling in my chest as I see the other side of the bed empty,
The warmth of a pair of arms dissipates from around me only to leave me cold,
Alone.
Abandoned.
You abandoned me.
You abandoned me and yet all I want is you.
All I want is you close to me.
I have dreams, of you.
They aren't something I'm proud of.
Forced to think of you in a way that highlights your strengths and minimizes everything wrong with you,
With us.
In those moments, though, I don't mind,
I never mind.
It's only until I wake and reality comes back when I realize the truth.
When I realize the temptations that have been set in front of me.
I can go back to you, into your warm and loving arms.
I can become the person I once was with you.
You love me, you tell me you love me.
You would never hurt me…
Or I can forget.
I can forget the dreams.
The choices.
The temptation.
Though the fruit is in bloom,
Bursting with color,
That doesn't mean the inside isn't poisoned.
Dreams look better than the truth.
They always do.
They're protections.
Tools of ignorance.
Reality gives me the option to live in a dream,
Go back to you and become unaware of the world,
Of the truth.
But do I want that?
Do I really want that?
You're holding your arms out to me,
Asking me to return,
Yet,
I can't accept your offer.
Reality shows me the poison inside of the fruit.
It shows me the horrors behind the beautiful picture.
I still love you.
I don't think I can ever stop loving you.
But I don't want you anymore,
Despite what my dreams try to tell me.
