It's been a while, Odyssey. It has been... a while.
I had to step away for a bit. I didn't think it would be for this long, but… I guess I needed it. My spark was out. Still flickering some, I guess. I have been tending to the darkness that exists inside my head and trying my best to take care of myself. My depression seems to be more present over the winter months, and at this time, I find myself being very frustrated as things that I thought were over are starting to show up again in my life. Conversations are going in circles.
It feels like my healing is going backward… or maybe just my thoughts are.
There is no need for alarm. There is no need to worry. I am getting the help that I need (a saying that I have both heard and said many times before, and am honestly starting to hate). One of the ways I find escape and healing is through creativity and art. More poetry is being thought of and written. I may share it here on the Odyssey, and I might not. But for now… I'll share this piece that I wrote Sophmore year of college. It still speaks very true…
A Walk In The Dark
A walk in the dark.
A journey into night.
A sense of being lost.
Happiness far from sight.
Stare at the ceiling.
Lie awake in bed.
Think of all gone wrong.
Feeling nothing, but dread.
Break another window.
Take another drink.
Stand out in the rain.
No one cares what you think.
Fight the good fight.
Try and you will succeed.
But now, you've been bruised.
There is something you no longer believe.
Talking makes it better.
They say losses are not in vain.
You put on a happy mask.
Only you can feel the pain.
Pick up the broken pieces.
Wipe away the tears.
It feels like there is no end.
This strife has gone on for years.
This is not just grief.
It is no day at the park.
It's another journey into hell.
It's just a walk in the dark.
* * *
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255
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