In a society that pushes the (false) narrative that you are not whole unless you are in a romantic relationship, in addition to conflating sex with romance, it can be incredibly challenging to find peace in a sexual relationship where romance is not a factor. It can be incredibly challenging to understand and remind yourself of the boundaries and limitations of your platonic sexual relationship. You may develop unrequited feelings or a desire for more — and that's OK.
Take those feelings and examine them. Communicate with the other person (or people). Do not allow yourself to remain in a relationship (of any kind: romantic, romantic/sexual, platonic, platonic/sexual, or sexual) where you are not happy. However, do not push new dynamics on someone who does not want them.
I've had a string of platonic sexual relationships and they can be tough. They can be confusing, enjoyable, upsetting, passionate, frustrating, and freeing all at once. They ebb and flow, and with their (not so) rhythmic decline and regrowth can spark conflicting emotions.
Do not let these emotions fester. Free them. Try poetry, it heals.
(untitled)
When you hit me hard with your waves
Give me time to drain
away the salt.
To harden again after you've eroded
me, bit by bit.
Why do I allow you to go and flow through me
as you please?
These feelings hit
and they stick.
Sometime,
maybe next time,
you will find that I'm
unkind
that I'm unwilling to drown in you.
For now,
take hold of me
and pull me down
deep.
