Did you hear about Brock Turner?
I do not say anything.
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I close my lips
And I stare at my phone
And I look down at my shaking hands
Not able to even imagine
What so many women around me have been forced to.
What am I supposed to do
Or say?
How am I supposed to describe why this hurts so much
Why something awful that happened to someone I have never met
Pushes fear into me
And why I lock my door at all times
And yes, I walk faster when walking alone at night
Because Ladies, be careful.
Do not drink too much or party too much
Or smile too much
Or have too much fun
Because you cannot make yourself a target
And you cannot make them think you are flirting
Damn it, when can I ever let my guard down?
When can I just laugh and throw my arms up
And have fun with my friends?
When can I close my eyes
And lie on the couch
And sleep without a second thought?
How do you get to drink and laugh
And let go of everything
While I always have to tug my shirt up to keep from exposing too much?
How am I supposed to explain to some girl one day
Why she cannot wear that short skirt she loves?
Because wear something that makes you feel confident
And you are just asking for attention
For looking and speaking and touching.
How does that make sense?
Three months
Thirteen weeks
Ninety Days
Is that all it takes to make up for destroying someone else?
For taking away another person’s right to her body
To her life
To her safety
Her happiness
Her ability to relax and feel safe in this world.
How is this world anymore his than hers?
Why does he get to keep it all after what he did?
I liked to believe growing up
That it was all behind us.
That sexism was mostly a thing of the past
That it was not a thing to focus on
But this world we live in
I thought people got legally punished for rape and murder
But now women can be legally punished for drinking
Or wearing a dress
Or not being on alert at all times.
Three months.
I don’t understand.
I don’t get it.
I’m scared.
I know.
Me too.
We’re all scared.
I think what is most alarming
Is that we have a reason to be scared.
