Last week, I penned an article about the struggles of finding a doctor who wouldn’t blame all of my medical problems on my weight. This week, I’m following up with a whole list of things that I’ve noticed, and that I do not appreciate, as a plus-sized person.

1. Finding clothes that look good

Yeah, this one seems to be the most obvious of the bunch, but finding cute clothes with my proportions is like a walking nightmare. Aside from Torrid and the occasional item from Jean’s Warehouse, there is not a lot nowadays that both is my style and looks good on me. The most prominent experiences of negative comments towards my appearance occurred, ironically enough, when I was dress shopping for prom. On two different occasions while looking for something in my style, I encountered women who were (probably) well meaning, but still mean. One told, “Salad mija, salad” because I almost didn’t fit into this beautiful dress that I found. It ended up accidentally being a quinceñera dress, but I was young and it was cute. The second was a woman asking me “Why you want a poofy dress? Poofy dress make you look more fat.” These aren’t exactly things you should tell someone who was considering buying from you.

2. People blaming my health on my weight

As I stated last week, majority of the doctors I go to always tell me that the reason I’m having some of my health problems is because of my weight. It’s a little reminiscent of the dentist saying “You’re bleeding because you don’t floss” when there are clearly other causes. You can read more about my doctor struggles here.

3. Getting pinched and squished (by anyone)

Just like how some kids don’t like getting their cheeks pinched by elderly aunts and grandmas, I too do not appreciate when my squishiness is grabbed like it’s some kind of playdoh. My mom especially is a perpetrator of this, despite the fact that I voice my opinion on the matter. “Don’t squish me” has become part of my normal vocabulary, because I simply don’t like being touched there. I don’t appreciate it, especially on my low days where I feel like I do not look any form of good.

4. The way some people look at me

We’ve probably all gotten it at one point or another; that look that says “wow, they really shouldn’t be doing that/wearing that/eating that.” I know that some people probably talk about me to their friends or their parents because I do that too. Sometimes I’ll see a ridiculously bright outfit or some dude dancing on the street corner and sure I’ll point it out to people I’m with, and sometimes it just never occurred to me that people are doing the same to me, even on days where I’m looking and feeling my best.

5. The way I feel about myself

Granted, I have been working on my self esteem since I got into college. It’s improved greatly from where I used to be, and I love that. But there are still times when I will see someone who looks better than me and I both appreciate their look, and then feel a little poorly because in my own vision of myself, I feel like I don’t look that good. There are other times that I see other people who I feel probably look like what I look like to strangers, and more often than not I have to ask my mom for confirmation on whether “I am that big” or not.

Truth be told, there are a lot of other things that I do not appreciate as a plus sized person, but I don’t think they would all fit into this article. They’re day to day things, comments online, and all those articles from guys saying that they deserve praise for loving their “bigger” wives or girlfriends. They’re things that aren’t just going to go away overnight, but I hope some day they will go away completely.