Due to recent events and a few missed classes, I feel like I should address an accusation that I've been hearing for years:
"You just don't want to do it, so you use your diabetes to get out of it."
No. You're wrong. In fact, nothing about that statement is true. I want to get an education, I want to learn, I want to accomplish my goals and I want to do all of those things while I still have that capability. Not everyone has the option to go to a wonderful 4 year university, to study and gain knowledge in their favorite field. Why would I "use" my diabetes to "get out" of doing those things?
Since I was young, basically when since I was diagnosed, I consistently hear about how I don't want to do this or that so in order to avoid my responsibilities, I pull the "my blood sugar is..." excuse. However, for the longest time, I didn't want to be different. I didn't take care of myself how I should have for no other reason that because I didn't want the other kids to watch me check my blood sugar or dose for my lunch and think that I was weird. I just wanted to fit in and do what everyone else was doing, so I hurt myself to do that. It took me a long time to be able to accept that I was different than the rest of the kids in my class or on my team, and it took me even longer to be okay with that so don't you dare try to make me feel bad for trying to take care of myself and making my health a priority over a class period full of notes, or missing a workout.
What many people don't understand is that even though my body is asleep at night, my blood sugar still fluctuates and even though I have equipment that's intended to help prevent highs and lows, it doesn't always work like that. A lot of the time I wake up and my blood sugar is so low that I feel it before I even crawl out of bed so please, stop telling me that I just don't want to get out of bed when actually, it's physically impossible for me to even walk to class. My. Safety. Is. More. Important. Than. Notes.
Also, on the other hand, if my blood sugar is high and I just really don't feel up to going out and doing things, don't force me. Don't make me feel bad if I have to reschedule plans that we've already made because chances are, I already feel terrible, physically and mentally. My mood fluctuates with my blood sugar and if you have a significant place in my life, you should understand that if I tell you that I'm in a "weird mood" it really means that I'm busy trying to get my diabetes under control; it's not you, it's me. I really don't need you to try and persuade me to be social when the only thing I need is insulin (and maybe a nap). There are just certain things that I cannot do while my blood sugar is messed up and as much as it kills me to admit that, I have to remember that I can't risk my own security for your enjoyment, that's not how this works.
I'm not like you, II am different, so please don't expect me to be just like you. Sometimes you just have to come to terms that my broken pancreas is just trying to make life even harder for me and you really shouldn't take that personally. It's nothing against you, I probably really want to hang out with you, I probably really want to go to class and I probably really want to go aimlessly walk around campus with you, but before you assume that I don't want to do those things, consider that I just don't want to make myself any more sick.
