I don't lose sleep over a lot of things.
Normally, I can hear or see something, internalize it for a while, then take it out of my head, put it in a box, put it on a shelf, then go to sleep soundly at the end of the night. As a society, we've come to normalize a lot of very scary things, so I try not to internalize it for so long that it takes over my life.
However, this has caused me actual emotional pain.
If you've been living under a rock for the past week, I'll refresh you: A 13-year-old child from Denver, Colorado was forced into doing elevated splits back in June on the first day of cheer camp. This child, Ally Wakefield, was forced into splits by the newly hired coach, and the damage from the incident is far more than just physical: she had to beg for her coach and her teammates to let her go, none of which actually did.
If you haven't seen the video, brace yourself because it's disturbing to watch.
This child had to be forced down and restrained in order to perform the way her coach wanted her to perform, and even then it wasn't enough.
What's more remarkable (and in the worst definition that word can hold) are the comments on various posts saying, "This is normal for cheerleading" and "If she can't do splits, she needs to pick a different sport." These comments are not only degrading to the girl who was assaulted on camera but it is insulting to other women who have faced similar experiences because a) while it is common that a cheerleader should be able to do splits, it is not a requirement, and b) if you're going to say this about a girl who was forced into doing elevated splits, do you say similar things about women who are sexually or physically assaulted?
This young girl, and yes, she is a girl, said - no, screamed, nine times for these people to stop. Consent can be taken away just as easily as it can be given. We teach our young children that when you feel unsafe around someone, you scream "no!" and "stop!" and they are supposed to stop, and if someone says the same to you, you stop. There is no continuing after someone has revoked your right to touch them.
We teach them that their bodies have value and if someone is making them unsafe, they have the right to revoke someone's access to their body and to prevent bodily harm. We also teach our children to obey authority, even to the point of blind loyalty and obeying without asking questions. We trust the adults around them, especially in a school environment, to keep our children out of harm's way. But when the people making them feel unsafe are the very same people who are supposed to keep them safe? Where is the line drawn?
The definition of consent, according to Dictionary.com, is, "permission for something to happen or agreement to do something." There is a line - a very broad, red line - in every situation in which someone does not cross if someone says "no" and "stop." Wakefield's coach, her teammates, the principal, and the athletic director have crossed this line, have severely let her down, and have allowed for the continual violation of not only her bodily autonomy and right to consent, but her right to feel safe within a school environment.
We need to stop blurring the line. This girl should not have had to beg for her body to be released nine times from the grip of her teammates.
All this pain for her to be able to do the splits.
What has our world come to?
