This week in concert choir we sang a piece that was commissioned by the Ohio Choral Directors Association College & University Commissioning Consortium. The song is about suicide and depression. Our director Dr. Zebulon Highben spoke to us before we started looking at the piece. Having had depression and been in the spot of hitting rock bottom, his words really hit home for me. Knowing the warning of what the song was about but I had no idea how much the piece would really hit home.

Hitting rock bottom was not fun. Sitting in my room thinking that you are not worth it was not something a person should think about. I have never talked about my depression. No one truly knew how bad it even was. Having the feeling that everyone disliked you and would not care if you were gone was the worst because you truly feel like you can not turn to anyone. Even though I am far from my dark place, the song Please Stay by Jake Runestad made me reflect on those times. In 2013, suicide took the lives of 41,149 people in the United States alone. Depression affects about 20 million people in the United States and 350 million worldwide. Mental health disorders are serious issues in our culture and it is important that we have open conversation about their existence and that we show support to those who are battling them. As a person who has depression, it takes a lot for me to talk about it. Even years after. Mental health disorders are a real thing and should be taken very seriously.

To Write Love On Her Arms is a nonprofit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide. Their 2016 campaign for World Suicide Prevention Day was titled “And So I Kept Living.” Using the hashtag #IKeptLiving, thousands of individuals who battle depression shared their stories on Twitter as to why they chose to life over death. The composer read through and collected hundreds of the tweets and used them to inspire the text for this work. “Please Stay” is an anthem for hope — an attempt to destigmatize mental illness and challenge all of us to support those who are battling depression and thoughts of suicide. You are not alone. We can make a difference. We can be the support system that saves a life.

#IKeptLiving because of my parents. My friends. My Brother. My conscience.

#IKeptLiving because I looked at pictures of my mom and dad and thought what they would do if they found me.

#IKeptLiving because although it was hard to see past the next hour let alone the next year, my future was seeing if I could help people the way people helped me.

#IKeptLiving because I had a support system that supported me and scooped me up when rock bottom was the only option.

These are just the few reasons why I kept living. I was fortunate enough to come to the realization that there were people on this Earth who loved and cherished me. If you are struggling with depression, I know it is hard to realize this but there are people who love you. There are people who care about you. There are people who want you to live.

The song lyrics by Mr. Runestad read: "No! Don’t go! Don’t let your worst day be your last. The storm is strong, but it will pass. You think you can’t go on another day, but please stay. Just stay. Hope is real. Help is real. You are breath, you are life, you are beauty, you are light. Your story is not over. You are not a burden to anyone. Please stay. Just stay." The song then goes on to read actual tweets from the #IKeptLiving campaign. This was the part that got me. It was a realization that I am not alone because everyday is still a challenge. Each person suffering from depression has a story. Each story may be different. But Keep Living. You are worth it. Please stay. Just stay.

If someone you know is suffering from depression please be patient. Love them. Make sure they know.

If you are suffering from depression, seek help. Help is all around. Counselors. Friends. Family. Even strangers. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you'll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7. If you feel you are in a crisis, whether or not you are thinking about killing yourself, please call the Lifeline.

#IKeptLiving and so should you.

Resources: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

http://jakerunestad.com/store/please-stay/