When’s the last time you told a girl she’s pretty? Whether it’s your friend, girlfriend, neighbor, sister, cousin, or mom, whether she’s three or ninety three years old, she deserves to hear it. Yes, there are many more important qualities to have than good looks— intelligence, kindness, generosity, and courage, just to name a few— but unfortunately, we have built a society in which appearance holds a lot of significance.

A study done in 1991 found that 42% of 1st-3rd grade girls (that’s ages 6 to 9) wished that they were thinner. That was twenty-six years ago. Think about how much has changed since then. The internet was just getting started. Now people use it to follow their favorite celebs and participate in social media, sometimes as young as 10 years old. While millennials were no strangers to the pressures of social media, they did not grow up connecting their self-worth with the amount of “likes” they got on Instagram. Those 1st thru 3rd grade girls now bear witness to a much more accessible pop culture, which can influence them negatively as we know our society idolizes celebrities with certain body types and physical features more than others. My guess would be that the statistic of 42% has been increasing all of those years, even right now.

In the U.S. alone, 30 million men and women have suffered or continue to suffer from some type of eating disorder as of 2011. Every 62 minutes, a person dies as a direct result of an eating disorder, the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. And these are only the diagnosed cases. Everyone knows someone in their life who has struggled with body image, many times to physically harmful extents. Whether or not they have a clinical diagnosis, eating disorders can ruin lives if left untreated.

So what should we do about it?

For starters, we need to build each other up. Stop criticizing each other. Stop resenting the girl who takes perfect selfies, who brags about how much time she spends at the gym, who (in your eyes) seems perfect. Chances are, she doesn’t see herself that way. Very few people are as confident as they appear. Often, when people lash out, it’s a sign of their own insecurity. Don’t be afraid to give a complement, not only when she’s wearing a full face of makeup, but also when she’s fresh-faced and running errands.

Please, tell her she’s pretty.

We need to do our best to build a generation of strong, confident young women— let’s try to prevent them from making our mistakes. Whether she’s your niece, student, daughter, cousin, or friend, tell her she’s pretty. Of course, also tell her that she’s smart and funny and kind, but don’t leave out that she’s pretty. No, you won’t be feeding the idea that looks are all that matters. Let’s face it, self-confidence encompasses a lot of traits— and appearance is definitely one of them. In order to create well-rounded, self-confident young women, we need to acknowledge that fact.

And don’t feel limited to “pretty.” Change it up! Call her beautiful, charming, cute, elegant, good-looking, graceful, handsome, lovely, pleasant or any other synonym you can think of! (Thanks, thesaurus.com!)

So please, tell her she’s pretty.

Even if you think it’s obvious, even if you think she already knows, there’s a significant chance that she needs to hear it.