It's been a few months since you wanted our relationship to be over. I got a text at work and I was forced to accept that as I sat on the floor in Aerie, looking for some rompers. I listened to some old George Jones and had a good cry before going skating and shattering my phone. Skating is definitely not my strong suit. But hey, at least I didn't break any bones.
It wasn't my finest day, obviously. But that wasn't the part that hurt the most. No, the fact that you couldn't tell me to my face didn't hurt as much as what came later.
It was when you kept snap chatting me. Drunk or not, it made me miss you. It still does. Then you started asking me to hang out again. I held out for a while, but then I gave in because I can't say no to you. I thought that maybe, maybe there was a chance of getting back together. Then you pull away again. It's like you want me, but you're going to keep me at an arm's length because someone better might come along. It's not fair. You either want me or you don't. So tell me what you want. Stop wasting my time.
You're making me lose my mind. I'm sitting around waiting for you to make a move other than asking me when I'll be back or telling me you miss me. I try not to answer when you contact me. I try to, but I can't. I try to act like it doesn't phase me when you like my pictures on Instagram or Facebook. For some reason I can't quit you so I'm asking you to make the choice for me.
If you want me, make it known. Make me feel like you want a relationship with me and do all those stupid couple things everyone else does. I want to be with you, but I won't plead and beg anymore. I'll find someone who thinks I'm amazing and always wants to be with me. After 21 years of learning to love myself, I deserve that and more.
This isn't a Meredith and Derek kind of thing. We are not characters from Grey's Anatomy. I'm not going to say, "Pick me. Choose me. Love me." I shouldn't have to plead for you to want me. It's all you here, babe. But once you choose someone else, I'm no longer an option. I'm a first choice or no choice kind of girl.
I realized a while ago that life isn't a Cinderella Story either. I'm not Hillary Duff and Chad Michael Murray isn't going to leave the field to kiss me. You wouldn't leave the ice for me so why do you keep dragging me along? What did I ever do to deserve this? It's crazy making and hurtful and so many more things I can't even begin to say, I just want your answer.
So if you don't want an actual relationship please, please just let me go. I'm tired of waiting for the rain in this drought.
