“You should smile more!” “You have such a nice smile. Why don’t you use it more often?” “Smile! You’re alive.” “You always look angry or sad. Put a smile on that face!” “Why aren’t you smiling?”
If you have ever been told any of these things, you know how difficult smiling can be, especially after being told to do so. Speaking from personal experience, I understand completely the frustration that follows after someone tells me that I seem “unapproachable” because I wasn’t flashing my pearly whites at the time. Sometimes I just don't feel like smiling. If you're the kind of person who tells people to smile, here's a few things to consider.
Give me something to smile about.
Often times, those of us who don’t smile so much don’t really have a reason to. We don't smile not because we're necessarily angry or upset by something, but because we simply don't want to smile. I used to work for a manager who wanted me to smile 24/7. Fair enough, right? He wanted me to seem pleasant for the guests. The problem? Business could be dreadfully slow during lunch hours. In those slow hours I did not have to continuously interact with guests so — smiling wasn't needed. The door would be okay if I didn’t remind it that I still have all my teeth.
You don't know what my week was like.
A family member or a close friend might have died. I might have failed a major exam. Maybe I just lost my job. My will to live is probably non-existent. Trump is a presidential candidate. Why would I want to smile? Sure, research says that the mere act of smiling elevates your mood, but your harmless statement of “Smile. Life is beautiful” could be the farthest thing from the truth to me.
I'm tired of hearing you telling me to smile.
How would you feel if you were having a bad day and someone asked you to smile? What if someone told you, “You’re kind of scary and unapproachable,” because you didn’t smile for five minutes? If you heard the same statement over and over and over in one day, tell me, would you really feel like smiling, or would you feel elated that a stranger asked you to flash those pearly whites to seem less terrifying? I don't appreciate being told my face is unpleasant because I'm not smiling, so if you're going to tell me over and over again, omit the part about how I look frightening.
If I do decide to smile at you, I promise you won't like it.
Don't take it too personal, but after being worn down to smile, the one you'll receive will not be the smile I give when I genuinely want to smile. Simply put, it will be incredibly sarcastic and insincere. Do you still want to tell me to smile knowing that?
I understand that you mean well. In fact, it’s great you want to see someone you do or don’t know smile. If you want to coax a smile out of someone, try smiling at them first. Act pleasant and be the highlight of someone's day. Better yet, compliment someone's smile and you will see an even better one in return. But please, stop telling me to smile.
