I'm normally not one to comment on the state of politics in the United States, namely because I think that hot mess can speak for itself. But with the November elections looming ominously on the horizon, I am forced to accept the harsh reality that my fellow Americans might actually nominate Donald Trump as the Republican Party candidate. Faced with his god awful hair, that ridiculous orange tan and his blatant bigotry and racism, I've sat long and hard and thought about all of the horrible, terrible things I would rather do than vote for Donald Trump.
1. Stare at the sun until I go temporary blind and see spots.
2. Get a paper cut between my fingers.
3. Stub my toe. A hundred times. Hard.
4. Get caught in the rain wearing my glasses.
5. Babysit quintuplets. All. Night.
6. Get into a fender bender.
7. Lose my charger when my phone is on one percent.
8. Get a flat tire.
9. Get a face tattoo.
10. Give up chocolate.
11. Jump out of a plane without a parachute.
12. Get hit in the face with a textbook.
13. Go to a Justin Bieber concert.
14. Fist fight a bear.
15. Lose my job.
16. Wear a “kick me” sign for a month.
17. Go swimming with man-eating sharks, piranhas and anacondas.
18. Lose my flashdrive the night before an essay is due.
19. Be Ned Stark.
20. Have jury duty.
21. Lose my license.
22. Work at Ruby Tuesday.
23. Take the ring to
Mordor.
24. Binge watch all six seasons of Jersey Shore.
25. Be Bad Luck Brian.
26. Lose my front teeth.
27. Live on that island from Lost.
28. Go swimming in a landfill.
29. Shave my head.
30. Have Taylor Swift write an entire album about our break-up.
31. Contract the plague.
32. Give birth to octuplets.
33. Get a splinter under my fingernail.
34. Resort back to using Myspace.
35. Resort back to dial-up internet.
36. Be in the Hunger Games.
37. Stab myself in the eye.
38. Make that both eyes.
39. Get caught in quicksand.
40. Vote for the catastrophe that is Hilary Clinton.
41. Lose my mind.
What am I saying?
Oh, yeah, don't vote for Donald Trump.
