I've been in your shoes. I've resented guys who have broke my heart. I've shut people out and held the deepest, darkest grudges. I know your pain. I also know I'm not the person you want to hear this from. But listen to me. I'm begging you to listen to me. Put aside all your past judgements of me and all your impressions of me and just listen.

Moving on is not for him. It is for you.

I'm sure you've heard that before. It's plastered on Pinterest quotes related to the search of "heartbreak" and it's similar to the philosophy people have on forgiveness. It's there for a reason and the reason is that it is true. I promise you. As a woman who has been in your shoes, it's true. It's not easy. There will be days where he'll text you and your heart still skips a beat because you know he thought about you. There will be days where you'll smell his cologne and can hardly wait until your home to collapse into tears. There will be days where you lose hope in love and people because you think if he could put me through these things how could any other person NOT put me through these things. These days aren't the end of moving on, they don't mean you've failed. They mean you have learned.

Recognizing that moving on is a learning experience will open your mind to not be so hard on your heart when you make a mistake.

I'm challenging you to when you do cry over him, answer his texts, curse love stop yourself. Say to yourself this, "Mistakes are life and the last time I checked I'm doing that, I'm living. And I'm learning. It's okay to have a hiccup or drop the ball however many times I want. (Look yourself in the mirror, in the eye). I love you, you're strong and beautiful, and you are moving on." Whatever amount of strength you think you have, you have more. You think this heartbreak has devastated you, it hasn't. You know why? Because you are breathing. You are hugging your parents and friends. You are laughing with your loved ones. You are finding ways to better yourself. All of these actions are a part of moving on, you just don't explicity know it. The other part to moving on is saying those words to yourself. It's making the conscious decision every day that one heartbreak, no matter how painful, is not the end of your world. It is not the end of your love life. You may think I don't know what I'm talking or I'm not in a place to give you advice. It's possible you're right and I'm over stepping boundaries. And if you feel that way I'm truly sorry. But sometimes there are things we need to hear and people too close to us won't say it. For any girl who has had their heart broken by someone they thought they'd spend their life with or by someone they never thought would hurt them, I've been there. I've been through heartbreak and multiple kinds of it. I gave you the part to empower you, the part that makes your heart warm. So now you need to hear the part that doesn't, the part that stings.

Along with that conscious decision you have to grow up to move on.

You have to realize that yes he broke your heart but he can only continue to break your heart if you let him. After the initial break up, the day or the week, if you're still suffering constantly it's your fault. You are giving him that power. Stop. Get up in the morning, eat a healthy or horribly unhealthy breakfast, and go out and find something that makes you happy. Not someone who makes you happy, something you can obtain all on your own. For me it's a couple places I can go to or painting or coloring (adult or child-like pages) or working out. Those are things I don't need anyone else to do and they make me happy. Find those things, places, to dos that make you happy and fill your life with them. Taking charge of your happiness is an amazing feeling and very liberating.

Don't curse his name or praise it.

That's the hardest part because you're probably still furious at him and maybe even still love him. You have to hold yourself to that higher standard of setting him free. That entails setting him free out of your thoughts and your words. Without him in your thoughts, you'll see your positivity increase tremendously. You won't be sad as often because your thoughts will be focused on whatever is making you happy. Without him in your words, you'll attract positive events and positive people. You'll be talking about what builds you up not what breaks you down. A humans tone of voice when talking about their passions, their version of happiness is the most romantic thing in the world. It can make you fall in love as best friends or fall in love as significant others. But nonetheless it's a powerful tone and it pulls people in.

The last thing I have to leave you with is this, move on for your sake. It doesn't get easier for a while I'm not going to lie to you. But eventually it does. The drop in your stomach when you see or hear his name stops. The memories of him become nostalgic ones not sad ones. Everything he bought you is no longer from him it's just stuff you have. If you don't choose to move on, those days will never come. Those days will always be a light at the end of the tunnel. Right now you are chained to a 165 pound weight at the dark end of the tunnel. When you choose to move on you are freed from that weight and the light at the end of the tunnel is now all of a sudden reachable. You may wonder why I'm saying all this but from one woman to another I want to make sure you hear the words you need to. It's possible your best friend or your mom has said all this to you. If they have then I only want to reinforce what they've said. If they haven't I don't want you to be stuck waiting for the words you need to hear. I don't want you to waste years suffering in your heartbreak like I did. I don't want you to only accept other toxic people because you feel like that's all you deserve. Even though it did take me years to finally move on, I had to. I had to finally move on. No one said to me what I needed to hear. I said to me what I needed to hear. I'm trying to spare you that wasted time. You have to move on. Don't let your heartbreak linger, learn from me. Please learn from me and move on for your sake.