I met my first best friend in kindergarten on the first day of school. It was my first day in a social setting with a group of kids my age and I was doing what I do best, sitting in my chair observing everyone around me (like the natural born wallflower that I am sometimes).
There was an optional group game going on, on the far side of the classroom and I opted not to play. Parents were invited to come watch the first day of school and I remember my mom looking at me and nudging me to go play. As always, I was stubborn and said no.
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I don't really remember this next moment but my mom tells me about it even till this day.
A boy approached me and smiled from ear to ear and asked if I wanted to play the game with him. I looked at him hesitantly, then looked to my mom and managed to utter a subtle "sure".
He and I were best friends ever since.
His name was Lorenzo and we were two peas in a pod. We spent holidays together, told each other our deep dark kindergarten-worthy secrets and promised to always be best friends.
That went on for two and a half years.
Then one day, my 2nd grade world came crashing down. We were at recess and he had begun to make other guy friends, and I had made other girl friends. But I was still convinced we were the best of friends.
"My other friends think it's weird that you're my best friend because you're a girl," he said, suddenly.
My 2nd grade heart was devastated.
From that moment on, I have always wondered:
Can men and women just be platonic friends?
I asked around for the past week and got a lot of mixed reviews.
Most said no but a few brave souls ventured on the yes side.
One local barista gave a very insightful, "sort of."
When prodded a little more she gave a bit more of her opinion.
"I think before a person hits their mid-twenties, they can be platonic friends. After that mid-twenty mark, everything changes. Marriage is an option and people start coupling up. Also, your brain is fully developed by then which makes your decision making skills better. You know what you want and how to get it and at the end of the day no one wants to be alone."
One of my male friends said he swore men and women could be platonic friends as long as they had a DTR before either party started catching feelings.
After asking people, I figured I should form my own opinion.
The following is what I have concluded.
Until the age of 18, you can totally be platonic friends with the opposite sex.
This is the glorious age where you can play in the sandbox with the same person all day and subliminal messages are nonexistent. Enjoy that time cause life gets way more confusing after that.
From age 19-25ish, friendships get a lot blurrier.
You're a baby adult and getting used to 'adult feels'. You're dating but it's nothing serious. If anything, it's mingling. But then the idea of marriage becomes a legit option you had never even thought of.
You're learning how to build friendships you actually want to invest in. That's awesome. Look at you, making adult friends.
With making adult friends, adult boundaries must follow.
If you're hanging out with someone that you are not attracted to at all, and even the slightest thought of togetherness crosses your mind, you need to have an honest talk with yourself.
Tell yourself, "You will not catch feelings out of convenience. It is inconsiderate to your friend. You will honor them by being their friend. Nothing else."
This is called setting up healthy boundaries for you and your heart.
Trust me, you'll thank me later.
So as long as your intentional about knowing your boundaries with your friends, it is possible to be platonic friends within this age group.
From 25ish and up, platonic is not realistic.
I am not 25 so take my opinion with a grain of salt. One thing I do know is that making friends as an adult can be a bit more challenging than the sandbox. So when you do make those connections you become intentional about keeping them healthy and alive.
By now you're (probably) a full fledged adult. You pay taxes, have some student loans, do your own home improvement and enjoy a nice red wine. Your brain is fully developed and that means your decision making skills (hopefully) are on point. You know what you want. Maybe you have a life you simply want to share with someone else of like minds.
For the sake of this argument, let's say you and so-and-so having been close friends since you were 17. Now you both have been through a lot together. There's history. At some point, whether intentional or not, you will think about being with this person long term because of the time and energy invested in the friendship.
There is nothing wrong with that! Some of the most beautiful relationships I have witnessed have been birthed in friendship.
I'm just saying, I think after a certain point in your mid-to-late twenties platonic flies out the window.
So can men and women be friends?
My final answer is yes and no.
It all depends on how honest you are with your heart and what it wants.
