These are thoughts we’ve all had on an airplane, repeatedly. Airplanes are an uncomfortable adventure where we are forced to snuggle with strangers. From checking luggage to going through security to waiting in the terminal, it is a tedious journey with social, physical and personal problems we all must overcome. These are just a few of the thoughts I am certain we have all had while flying.
1. “I need an armrest, too.”
So, I have definitely heard this happening to women more than men, but in general, any middle seat person experiences this. The awkward moment where you have nowhere to put you elbows is not comfortable, no matter the flight length. Besides, do both of your elbows really deserve to rest over mine?
2. “Please stop sneezing on me.”
OK, so this is one of those where you feel for the person because we’ve all been there, but it is still disgusting. Any sneeze or cough is cycled through the airplane ventilation so that by landing, everyone has inhaled that cough/sneeze.
3. “I can’t actually lift this bag, so I am going to fake it until someone helps.”
So, I am obviously a girl in the sense that I pack too much every single trip. I never know if I will need heels or flats, shorts or jeans, a sweater or a tank. What if no one else dresses this fancy? What if I just need to relax in some workout clothes? Wait. What if I actually workout? What if I get stranded and need snacks? What if I don’t like the first book I am reading… or second… or this magazine? All of these questions are the reason I have two checked bags and an unbelievably heavy carry-on. So, if you see me with a bag, and I am already out of breath, please feel free to offer to place my bag in the overhead rather than glaring at me as I almost hit you with it.
4. “Your snores are interfering with my life.”
In all sincerity, I hope they are sleeping well because at least one of us should. But to me, even worse than someone snoring next to you, is the person snoring five rows back. At least for the person next to you, you can cough or accidentally nudge them or make a game of ending the snoring.
5. “No, I don’t want to know about your son's third wife's brother’s father-in-law. At most, I want to know about your cute, successful, single child.”
There are times when I want to talk, and other times, not so much. Those times when I’ve just taken all my finals, packed my entire room and struggled through the summer heat to get here all within 48 hours – yeah, those are not the time to talk to me. Other times though, I love learning life stories.
6. “Yes, I am in college, no, I don’t party all the time and yes, I actually have a plan for my life and plan to utilize my degree.”
Refer to the moments I don’t want to talk and insert this. Being in college is like an open invitation for every random person to ask the same exact set of questions that, half of the time, lead to an awkward trail off of silence. If you want to know about college, ask about my favorite classes, weirdest professors or what I am involved in, and I will be more than happy to share.
7. “Uhm I am just going to watch this movie and read the lips from my seat because my laptop died.”
I assume other people do this, but sometimes, I just wish they would turn on subtitles for me! I mean, I am invested in the plot and characters having the words would be unreal, but I guess it’s a little like watching telenovelas with my grandma and guessing what they say.
8. “Three cheers for landing!”
When we land, I suddenly feel like Oprah. “You get a smile! You get a smile! Everyone gets a smile!” Landing has to be the best part of the flight, and sometimes, I just want to celebrate out loud. I just don’t think that is socially acceptable yet.
So, the next time you fly on a plane, know you aren’t alone in your thoughts. Everyone is struggling because when else in society do you get shoved into a small box filled with strangers sitting intimately close to you while gravitating through air breathing the very little oxygen? So, buckle up and get ready for yet another bumpy ride.
