you'll find pieces of me everywhere

when you think I haven't been around in weeks

when you think you've finally gotten rid of me

you'll smell my perfume on the neck of some new lover

and when you distract yourself, you'll run your fingers through the baby hairs that frame her face

but when you look down the hair that swirls between your calloused fingers

the shade won't be right, you'll see swinging curls of my hair

the color of the sky in june right before the sun says her final goodbye

sherbet ice cream pigtails, you miss that don't you

you'll find pieces of me everywhere

when you pull back your sheets at night after a long day of dreaming about me

you'll pray to close your eyes, to not see me on the inside of your eyelids

but I'll be there

my fake eyelashes stuck to your dirty sheets

and you'll think of my red eyes, always red from something

drinking, crying or forgetting to sleep for days at a time

my tongue filling your mouth was a silent beg

to make you shut up for just once in your life

to beg you to stop speaking over me, stop acting better than me

stop asking me for forgiveness

you treated me so awful but no denying it was a treat

you'll find pieces of me everywhere

you'll search for me in the girls you bring home

the ones weak and dreary from cheap drinks they can't afford

she'll be a watered down version of the woman I used to be

the woman who let you walk all over her like a doormat in a rainstorm

you'll feel her hands and miss my nails

you'll touch her skin, I'll bet it's cold

you'll taste her mouth and realize I was the water

water on a hungover morning, water on a july afternoon after the sun ate at your pale skin

you're a fever I can't sweat out

you'll find pieces of me everywhere

when you dig into someone with hungry hands you'll miss the parts of yourself that I painted like art hanging in the city museums

the corners and creases of your body that I painted with the lightest shades of red, the most delicate shades of pink

hear my laugh between record scratches of your old favorite songs

you'll see my pink blush smudged on your pillow case

and wish someone worried for you the way I do

you'll see my smile in the next girl you trick into believing you

feel my skin on the gravestones in town

feel my lips on the edge of your glass while you drink to make yourself bearable

you'll find pieces of me everywhere

I'm not in pieces

I'm a whole girl, whole heart

whole head

we can't act like we know what love is when I thought your violent hands swinging at me was passion

you're a mess, there are pieces of you everywhere

and I can't keep picking them up