1. You’re so young! You’re only _______ years old- you have PLENTY of time to figure this out.

Wow thanks jeez I had no idea how old I was. Your reminder has been so useful to me. And knowing how much time I have to potentially spend before I finally figure out who I could end up with? Even better! I adore dreaming of the prospect of never knowing when a topic I’m anxious about already is going to happen. In summary, every person has different goals and ways to approach them at different points in their lives. So don’t use this tired, dismissive response next time I question my stance in dating.

2. You will find it when you least expect it~~~

The single most lazy and faulty generalization I have ever heard passed off as advice. This fallacy leaves you with no agency in life; it purely undermines your ability and desire to seek out positive experiences. If I can work towards a degree, physical fitness, friendship, or a job, why on earth would I sit on my ass and wait for price charming to fall into my lap when I could wink at him from across the room? Answer- everyone is secretly looking, otherwise, you would be alone forever and the human race would go extinct.

3. When you find them, they will be the perfect person.

Say it with me kids, there is no such thing as the perfect person. Even when talking compatibility, you will never fully get along with someone. You are bound to have differences and your relationship will be tested daily. Claiming to be with the perfect person is as if to say “you couldn’t have picked better even if you tried”. But you can. You can always find someone better for you than the person you may or may not end up with. Either way, this doesn’t offer any insight. Just paints an unclear and unrealistic picture of my future.

4. You were too good for those people anyways- their loss!

This attempt to inflate my ego and remove responsibility from my role in my fate always ends in me feeling even more like an alien. Riddle me this batman, if I’m as great as you say, why have so many men I’ve dated ended up with a completely different person than me? Building me up with no reinforcement of at least one person holding interest for more than a month does no more for my romantic life than paying for a dress with rocks I found off the floor does for my closet.

5. You’re just too picky; you have to give more people a chance.

It’s not that you are not giving people chances, and you are probably not being picky. Time is valuable, so like a lot of women, I’m not here to go out with someone I’m not excited to see. A lot of people won’t spark interest, carry an interesting conversation, or mention something about me beyond a simple physical observation. How many people do I need to go on dead end dates with before I find the right person- not that many. I have standards for who I allow myself to date. That’s not your problem.

6. Stop being so easy, give them a chase.

What. Does. This. Even. Mean. That I need to date other people to prove I’m not that interested in you so that you will come close to me and confess your undying affections only to have you pull away the second I reciprocate? If I’m interested in you, I shouldn’t have to jump through a bunch of hoops to prove this. If you’re interested in me, you will match my advances, or even up your hand. I’m not going to do any more or any less than one should when first getting to know someone. I’m not a treat for them to fetch; I’m a woman to be won. Re-cog-nize.