It’s here; that time of year when college students turn into preschoolers again. We cry for our mothers, eat everything in sight, and whine when we don’t get our way. It’s finals, the dreaded time of the semester when we all realize we should have been paying attention in class instead of literally doing anything else but that. Everyone has to take them, and yes, unfortunately, they are inevitable. But just because they are here and inevitable does not mean they’re peaches and cream and full of rainbows. Surviving them is a must, and the following five phases are a reality for all majors from business to art, nursing to history.
Phase One: The “I got this” phase
It’s a few weeks before finals, and you’re the good living life. You say to yourself: “Hey dude, let’s starting studying early and kill finals this semester.” For a few days you think it’s all good, and study a little here and there and are proud of yourself for starting early. Starting early is a great idea, but let’s be real; this stage is short lived.
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Phase Two: The “I have time” phase
It’s maybe two weeks before finals and you think to yourself: “Hey dude, it’s two weeks before finals! We have time. Don’t panic. Relax. There’s so much time left!” All of the studying you started before stops, and late night Netflix binges have resumed. Why stress yourself out more than you have to now? Let’s just wait a little longer. It will so be okay.
Phase Three: The uncontrollable sobbing phase
It’s now the last week of classes and it’s hitting you hard. Your professor starts prepping you for the final and it’s like time stops: “What do you mean I have a week before class? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” The anxiety starts to set in and life gets real, real fast. All those late nights watching Netflix are now catching up with you and while finishing the entire series of "House" in record time is impressive, it won’t get you a 4.0.
Phase Four: The “help me, I've fallen and I can't get up” phase
IT’S HERE. THEY’RE HERE. Late nights in the library become early mornings, and eventually the librarians know your entire life because you never leave that one table in the back and you’ve claimed it as your land. The copious amounts of study guides overwhelm your life, and at one point you start to question of your education is really worth this. But alas, you push through because...
Phase Five: The rejoicing phase
As you sit down to take your last final, you are praying that your brain does not turn to mush halfway through the exam. You scribble your last answer in the blue book and try not to run to the professor’s desk. You almost trip over countless backpacks and the nasty looks being shot at you from the poor souls who are struggling are burning a hole through the back of your head. This is it: the last exam of the year is in your hand, and you drop it on the professor’s desk and mutter “thanks, Satan” and practically skip out of the room. REJOICE! IT’S OVER. Congratulations, you’ve officially made it through finals. Until next year…
