You decide to end things with your boyfriend of multiple years. You are on your own for the first time in a long time (or maybe the first time ever). The experience is extremely emotionally draining and daunting, but it gets better, I promise. Here is what to expect during your post-breakup mourning phase when you are trying to get your feet back on the ground.
1. Newly Single Freedom
In this short-lived phase, you finally feel free from your suffocating relationship. You have truly been reborn. You are ready to live it up and do whatever you want without having to worry about the consequences. Be careful during this phase. Do not jump the gun on the hoe phase. We are getting to that! This phase is all about feeling a weight lifted off your shoulders.
2. Difficulties Trying to Move On
This phase is definitely not easy. Here, you find yourself conflicted about whether or not you made a huge mistake that will severely alter your life for the worse. Trust me, you made the right choice. Please don't second guess yourself too much during this phase.
3. Immersing Yourself in Hookup Culture
This phase is heightened if you were in a long term relationship for most of your adolescence. You feel like you missed out on hookup culture while your friends involved themselves in it because you were dating your boyfriend. And truthfully, you did miss out on finding out who you like and what kind of people you are attracted to. So get after it in this phase. I give you a free pass. This phase can teach you a lot about yourself. Just be safe and responsible, please!
4. Infatuation With One Guy You Hooked Up With
You find one decently average guy that maybe was a half-inch more respectful than the other trashy guys you met in your whore phase. So, naturally, you fall head over heels for him. But it's one-sided for sure. Pro-tip: do not waste your time and energy on guys who leave you on read until they want to hook up again. This phase can be the most mentally crippling thing you put yourself through. It's all a part of the journey, but don't kill yourself over this mediocre man. There have to be better guys out there that actually respect you.
5. Something Bad is Going to Happen
I am not trying to freak you out from the title of this phase, but it's true. Something bad has to happen to you for you to realize that your obsession with the bland frat bro is a waste of your time. No matter how many times your friends tell you this, you have to realize it for yourself for anything to actually happen. I don't know what your something bad is going to be, but mine took the form of a man from a club named Michael Scott. Yes, you heard that right. Michael Scott. That night went horribly and opened my eyes to the romantic life I was leading. I didn't like the romantic life I was leading, so I decided to make changes.
6. Regret About Your Breakup
All of the grief over your breakup has been saved for this very moment. You forgot to be upset about the breakup earlier and it is just now hitting you. The "something bad" in number 5 causes you to wonder if you really did make a mistake. Once again, trust me, you didn't. Just grieve the relationship and realize that you can never go back to who you were in the relationship. Too much has happened in your life since then. You are not the same girl that took part in that relationship.
7. Acceptance of Single Life With No Men Needed
You come to realize that single life is not constant hookups. Single life, as you expected, involves a lot of being alone. But you always have your friends to do the stuff you'd normally do with your boyfriend. At this point, you are finally settling into your singleton role and have grown to accept that being single does not look the same every day. Some days you are truly depressed. Some days you are off the walls so happy that you don't have a man to hold you back. It depends on the day and it depends on the person. But I do firmly believe that every woman should go through a life-altering, soul-crushing breakup at least once in her life. There is a lot to be learned about yourself that you are blinded to when in a relationship. Not all post-breakups look the same, but that's my story.
