Petty Things To Wish On Your Ex This Valentine's Day | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Relationships

Petty Things To Wish On Your Ex This Valentine's Day

Sorry, not sorry.

634
Petty Things To Wish On Your Ex This Valentine's Day
VideoBlocks

Valentine's Day is around the corner, and as usual, I'm single. Am I bitter? Yes. Am I lonely? Oh yes. Last year I had trouble healing from a breakup from a toxic relationship that I was sad and brokenhearted over V Day. This year, instead of being sad and wallowing in my own self-pity, I decided to take the high road and be snarky and cynical and write an article about things we secretly wish on our exes. Happy Singles Discrimination Day!

1. I hope you get a painful paper cut as you make your new lover a card. I also hope you sting your cut with lemon juice. Sorry not sorry.

2. Every time you watch a cheesy Nicholas Sparks film with your girl, I hope you laugh at the sad parts out of a nervous habit. Bonus points if your girlfriend is deeply offended by this. The female lead died and you laughed? Shame on you.

3. Your credit card gets declined on the most romantic night of the year. It declines again, and again, and again.

4. The assorted chocolates you buy is mostly filled with coconut and nut flavored ones...and your girlfriend hates both of those flavors.

5. You're too tired for Valentine's Day sex and pass out during foreplay.

6. I hope the person paying for your Netflix account suddenly cancels it.

7. You drunkly confess how much you miss your ex in front of your girl. Valentine's Day and drinking doesn't always mix.

8. I wish you food poisoning and you puke your guts out. I hope she can't stand vomit.

9. You buy her flowers and she's allergic. How could you not know that? The nerve of you.

10. If you plan on surprising her with a puppy, I hope the puppy bites you and growls at you. She then thinks less of you, because puppies are better than boyfriends.

11. Your crazy ex calls you when your significant other is in the same room. *pulls up a chair and eats popcorn*

12. You and your lover get matching tattoos and later breakup. Oops.

13. You plan on singing a love song to her and you choke. How did the chorus go again?

14. The meal you cook catches on fire.

15. You have a bad hair day...forever.

16. You take her on a date involving heights (rock wall climbing, hot air balloon ride), and she's terrified of heights.

17. I hope somebody spoils the movie you two have been dying to see.

18. Your ex shows up and you foolishly take her back.

19. Her better-than-you ex shows up and she takes him back.

20. She decides after tonight that she just wants to be friends.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

15 Mind-Bending Riddles

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

190145
 Ilistrated image of the planet and images of questions
StableDiffusion

I've been super busy lately with school work, studying, etc. Besides the fact that I do nothing but AP chemistry and AP economics, I constantly think of stupid questions that are almost impossible to answer. So, maybe you could answer them for me, and if not then we can both wonder what the answers to these 15 questions could be.

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

Most Epic Aurora Borealis Photos: October 2024

As if May wasn't enough, a truly spectacular Northern Lights show lit up the sky on Oct. 10, 2024

14851
stunning aurora borealis display over a forest of trees and lake
StableDiffusion

From sea to shining sea, the United States was uniquely positioned for an incredible Aurora Borealis display on Thursday, Oct. 10, 2024, going into Friday, Oct. 11.

It was the second time this year after an historic geomagnetic storm in May 2024. Those Northern Lights were visible in Europe and North America, just like this latest rendition.

Keep Reading...Show less
 silhouette of a woman on the beach at sunrise
StableDiffusion

Content warning: This article contains descriptions of suicide/suicidal thoughts.

When you are feeling down, please know that there are many reasons to keep living.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

Power of Love Letters

I don't think I say it enough...

457823
Illistrated image of a letter with 2 red hearts
StableDiffusion

To My Loving Boyfriend,

  • Thank you for all that you do for me
  • Thank you for working through disagreements with me
  • Thank you for always supporting me
  • I appreciate you more than words can express
  • You have helped me grow and become a better person
  • I can't wait to see where life takes us next
  • I promise to cherish every moment with you
  • Thank you for being my best friend and confidante
  • I love you and everything you do

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

11 Signs You Grew Up In Hauppauge, NY

Because no one ever really leaves.

26605
Map of Hauppauge, New York
Google

Ah, yes, good old Hauppauge. We are that town in the dead center of Long Island that barely anyone knows how to pronounce unless they're from the town itself or live in a nearby area. Hauppauge is home to people of all kinds. We always have new families joining the community but honestly, the majority of the town is filled with people who never leave (high school alumni) and elders who have raised their kids here. Around the town, there are some just some landmarks and places that only the people of Hauppauge will ever understand the importance or even the annoyance of.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments