No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to grow up fast enough for people. I'm forever being told that I'm immature and people forever remain aghast at my ignorance. For a while I blamed my ignorance on the fact that I was homeschooled, but the truth is that it's not all homeschooling's fault; not as much as I play it up to be, anyway. The truth is that it's just how I am. I'm immature and ignorant, but why is that so heavily looked down upon? Why is that so bad? Nobody has grace or mercy these days. Instead they make people feel ashamed of their youth and it hurts.
Why must I be titled immature? Why can't that just be how 18 year olds act? People expect me to be wise like an elder but in truth, I'm not wise. I don't know how to handle conflict or how to react to people. I'm trying to lear,n but it's not fast enough for the world's liking. Wisdom comes with time, age and experience; all things that I haven't had a lot of. My peers get frustrated with me because my maturity level is not as high as theirs. But when did maturity become a competition? I'm not as mature as the next, so there must be something wrong with me that needs to be fixed? I have to fix it because it's clearly my fault?
But why can't I just be me and mature on my own? I've tried forcing maturity and let me tell you, it doesn't work. For years I wanted people to think I had grown up and changed and matured. I wanted to be treated like an adult, or with a little respect at least. But no matter how hard I tried, people and adults still treated me like the little kid they knew me as. Childhood reputations stick with you forever, I guess. No one gave me a chance to grow up. But even when those few chances did arrive, I blew it with unbelievable acts of immaturity. There really seems to be no hope. Let me enjoy my youth and grow up on my own!
When my friend are being bullied, I stand up for them only for people to shoot me down about how immaturely I handled the situation.
"You should have just held your tongue and not gotten involved. It would have passed over in time."
Maybe I should just keep silent. Every time I do open my mouth or try hard to act mature, I display unbelievable acts of immaturity and irrational emotions. Proverbs 17:28, says, "Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent."
But then I think of Martin Luther Kind Jr.'s quote that says, "We begin to die the day we become silent about things that matter." I don't want to keep silent! My words can change the nation! I must speak up about justice and things I'm passionate about!
But maybe everything I fight for is silly and immature. Maybe everything I love is meaningless and I should wait to have an opinion about things until I've matured. It would save me a lot of embarrassment, that's for sure.
Why do people see me as such a nuisance? Why do people have no patience for the youth these days? Why is everyone in such a rush to grow up? I personally love being who I am, where I am, and I have no intention of rushing my growing up process. It's frustrating trying to be someone I'm not. It's frustrating trying to better myself constantly because who I really am isn't wanted or excepted. I realize thay I say stupid things and offend people right and left but I mean no harm. This is the beauty of growing. There is a time and place for everything. I've tried, but for some reason, I can't seem to grow up fast enough. And maybe that's because growing up isn't a race. It's a learning process.
I've been accused of being a "Peter Pan." But that's not true. I'm not delaying growing up. I'm relishing in each day, accepting myself for who I am. Annoying, outspoken, immature, hopelessly romantic, a happy-go-lucky carefree dreamer who loves too much and has faith in humanity even against all odds.
"I'm just a human being trying to make it in world that is rapidly loosing its understanding of being human. " - John Trudell
"I'm just a girl trying to find a place in this world."- Taylor Swift
"The tragedy of life is not death but what we let die inside of us while we live."- Native American Proverb
