I think we've all heard it at some stage in our lives. "You are the summation/total of your closest five friends." When we're younger, we like to act stronger and more independent than we are. But as adults, with limited more limited time and resources, so are our friends limited and expected to be a positive resource for us. However, our childhood naiveté can reintroduce itself into our adulthood friendships, where we let people's toxic attitudes and interactions with us slide because "oh that's just the way he/she is."
As adults, we must come to realize that our time is THE most valuable asset we own. Who we allow to have our time of day, especially over the course of a year, adds up significantly to our overall production and satisfaction. Yet, we get so defensive because we build up our "inner circle" of people and don't want to be critical of the people closest to us, likely because we think they will get offended or we will have to acknowledge our mistakes in letting toxic people affect us. Reality check time.
Those that get offended because you're calling them on their negativity are likely doing so out of a caricatured image they have of themselves. We call these people "realists." In life, there are pessimists and optimists. People posing as realists are pessimists because they're trying to rationalize their negative outlooks because of "reality," then brag about how "real" and world-aware they are. The only thing real about them? They are REALly living without any long-term goal and mind, lacking the vision and the passion to pursue anything other than instant gratification.
Does this sound oddly familiar? Odds are, you have one of these people in your inner circle. No, they aren't inherently bad people, but they simply believe that rationalizing their pessimism and telling you how to live your life. Why? Because they aren't satisfied with their own lives, so they find any opportunity they can to bring others down to their level, whether its for attention or distracting them from their grim reality.
Likely, these are also the people that complain just because it's a Monday. That's what pessimists do — they tell you that you're not supposed to be happy just because it's the first day of the work week, or that you can't branch out and try something new because it's risky or it will make you look dumb. Since we're keeping it real, you know what you should really do? Enjoy each day that you are given to work because you are able-bodied and know that you are in control of your own happiness. That's what separates optimists from pessimists. They don't give a damn if it's Monday or Friday. They own the day because they are humble.
The people you put closest to you are easily the largest influence on your personality aside from yourself. Your closest friends are also best at disguising their negativity as helpfulness because "they know you and know what's best for you." That's where you should smell the bullshit, and cut it. It is only you who is inside your mind 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. You know your capabilities and limitations, thus you should be the one to make that judgment and not them.
If there is someone in your circle with the arrogance to proclaim with such negativity any such sentiments, they aren't worth it to have around, regardless of their social status or how much value you think they bring to you. There is no tradeoff for your self-esteem and positivity. The sooner you learn this, the sooner you will stop sabotaging your own happiness.
