In American culture, pessimism is often considered a bad thing. We are dissuaded from being pessimistic and from allowing “negative” people in our lives. Many people seem to consider it a given that pessimistic people are not worth our time and should either stop their pessimism completely or be ostracized from society.

Growing up, I was often told by close family that I was too much of a pessimist. When I heard there was a chance of a good thing happening, my first thought was often, “It probably won’t happen.” It was natural to me. Soon being a pessimist was part of my identity.

I remember going to a birthday party where a friend of mine told a joke that involved a realist shooting a pessimist. I knew pessimism was considered bad but I didn’t expect the joke to end that darkly. “Wait, shot dead? Why?” I remember asking. “What, it was just the pessimist that dies!” my friend answered, as if that explained it perfectly. This exchange is an extreme version of what society seems to communicate about pessimism, which is that it makes one inferior.

But growing up negative wasn’t all bad. I didn't usually feel burdened or saddened by my pessimism, except when I was scolded for it. Some of the benefits of pessimism are that I was often greeted with an unexpected surprise when things went right, while other people just expected them to go right. I used pessimism to keep my hopes from getting too high. You can use it to prepare for if bad things might happen. Like Lisa Kleypas’ quote, “'I like pessimists. They're always the ones who bring life jackets for the boat.”

If optimism works for you, you will probably have an easier time in life, as many people like optimism better than pessimism. But for those struggling to be more positive, the key to using pessimism is finding a healthy balance between it and optimism. You can’t let pessimism become a self-fulfilling prophecy by believing so strongly that something bad will happen that you cause it to happen. You must not let it get in the way of people’s dreams, including your own. If you think someone else will fail, don’t tell them (unless you think they are needlessly going into serious life-risking danger, have failed to use key preparations first, etc). If you feel as if you will probably fail something, you can use this to prepare your mind so that if you do you are not so disappointed and can learn from it and get back up, instead of using it as an excuse not to try your best.

I would also suggest avoiding the terms “optimist” and “pessimist” as self-identifiers. I don’t call myself a pessimist anymore. Balance is the key to many aspects of life, including optimism and pessimism, and finding out whichever one you naturally lean more towards is overrated anyway.