In one of my classes this past week, we were discussing adolescent sexual behaviors. The most common reasons that adolescents report engaging in sexual intercourse for the first time is usually opportunity or love. However, there are adolescents who say that they were "reluctantly convinced." My professor stopped and asked, "If someone says 'no" and then someone convinces them to say 'yes,' what is that called?" Only a few people responded, "Rape." "Is this rape?" my professor asked. A few more of us said, "Yes."
Those of us that spoke up were very sure of ourselves, but I could sense that some of my fellow peers were not only unsure, but uncomfortable. After class, I heard a few people mention that those discussions shouldn't be had in the classroom. I disagree. But I suppose we can have these discussions from the safety of the internet, so here goes.
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Consent is defined as a sure, resounding, sober, "yes." Someone cannot give consent if they are intoxicated in any way. Someone cannot give consent if they are asleep or passed out. But what about if someone says "no" and then later on, you convince them to say, "Yes?"
This is still rape. A reluctant "yes" is not consent. It is not okay to convince someone to have sex with you if they don't want to. It is not okay to make someone feel guilty for not having sex with you. It is not okay to dismiss someone's reply just because it isn't what you wanted to hear. "No" does not mean "convince me."
While we are on the subject, we need to address a similar situation. What if someone says "yes" but then later on says that they don't want to have sex? In that situation, don't have sex with that person. If at any stage of "hooking up," someone tells you to stop, stop. Do not keep going. Do not try to convince them that it'll feel good. Do not rape them. If someone retracts their consent, then you can no longer engage in sexual activity with them. If you continue, you are raping that person, and it is not okay.
"What if you are in a relationship with someone? Can you just have sex whenever you want?" No. Being in a relationship with someone does not make you entitled to sex with them. You are never entitled to another human being's body. Ever. Don't try to convince them by saying, "we're dating so you should try to please me" or something along those lines. If you end up getting a reluctant "yes," having sex would still be rape, it's still not okay and you should not do that. Ever.
If you have any questions, 10 U.S. Code § 920 - Art. 120 is the law regarding rape and sexual assault. If you have to stop and think, "Did I get consent?" the answer is most likely "no." Another general rule of thumb is that if, at any time, the other person says "no," you should stop what you are doing. Don't rape people. Period.
