I know every single one of you personally knows a "people pleaser." That one friend that never says "no," no matter the circumstance. That one person that you see some people take advantage of, purely off of their kindness. That one human who is probably too nice for their own good, but hates to upset anybody. Well in my world, that very soul who manages to fit in every single person into an already seemingly hectic schedule, is me.
Now, I am not saying that it is an absolutely tragic thing to find yourself on the path of constant empathy and little personal time; however, I am here to say that it is a lot more draining than some people might realize. For example, if I were to take a look at my calendar or planner (yes, I have two; a calendar for the overall important events and a planner for a more detailed itinerary of my life) for the month of January, I see one day that there is nothing written. Only one day where I have no one to meet for coffee and catch up with, no one to pick up from the airport, no dogs to walk, no shifts to cover, no socials to attend, and no study sessions to arrange to help solidify concepts for a friend.
One day.
Keep in mind, that this is in no way me complaining about the way that I arrange my life. I wholeheartedly make all of these plans with the incredibly unique people I surround myself with because I love to be able to help them out in situations that they are struggling in; I don't mind doing them a favor in order to make their life easier, and I enjoy being someone that they can depend on to be there whenever they need me.
And not to mention, these phenomenal people always have gratitude nestled into their kind words after I help them out, and they are always there for me in return.
However, I find that for the number of gracious people I have in my life, somehow, one completely opposite of that moral purity, always manages to slither through. There is always that one person that manages to take advantage of the people pleasers of the world. They are well aware that wanting emotional harmony in everybody's life is enough to always make the person exclaim "yes," instead of muttering "no."
And these people keep on pushing their luck and testing to see how far that rubber band can stretch, until one day it breaks. I break. I claim that I refuse to be seen as a doormat in their life, and the famous question comes sliding out of their mouth and hangs in the air like a spider dangling from the ceiling, "Why didn't you just say no?"
Why didn't I just say no?What a novel idea.
Honestly, if I could just say no then we really wouldn't be in this situation. There would be no people pleasers in the world if it was as easy as sputtering out no's left and right. For every time that I bravely push away my inner reflex to say yes, and barely manage to pull out the toxic word that is no, I always get that person either begging me to say yes or refusing to take no as an answer altogether.
So no, it's not as easy as it looks to say no to my closest friends and family because I want so badly to see them happy and to know that I was a part of making them into the emotional sense they are now. I want to be that positive light in their lives that they always know that they can count on, even in the roughest of times. I need them to know that I am there for them because I care so much about them.
So the next time you ask that infamous question to my fellow brothers and sisters out there creating a balance among the chaos of the world, just know that they are trying their hardest to say no. But every now and then, it might come out sounding like a yes.