This is most likely another reflection piece, but I've noticed that I like to think about my life and who I am - it brings me a sense of peace sometimes. So a few weeks ago, I took this strength assessment that was part of my peer mentor training and it listed my top five strengths: futuristic, adaptability, intellection, input, and empathy. I read the report which had the detailed descriptions and it really gave me some insight into why I'm the person I am. It was the funniest thing when I read the intellection description. It explained how I craved intellectual discussions and how I'm an introspective person. My friend, Riki, agreed with the description and brought up how at times I would ask deep questions at random times and it throws her off. She brought up how she would have to think about what she was going to say in reference to the question.
She's not wrong - I don't have to have a bunch of conversations, but I do enjoy asking questions that sort of requires a non-basic answer. It's just satisfying.
Most of the people who know me - more so the people I met in college - know how that I can be a go with the flow (adaptability) type of person as well as someone who thinks a lot about the future (futuristic). I'm a person who likes to plan things out, whether or not I follow it is a different story. I think about stuff three years from now. In my head, I have to start planning and get all of the information in order to move forward; it's just the way my brain works and sometimes, it backfires.
When I'm planning for future occasions, I start to overthink and start bringing in other details that follow the initial thought. It drives myself, and others around me mad. I start to stress out and then I slowly begin to shut down. When they see that I'm stressing about something I don't have complete control over, they tell me to calm down and take things day by day. I tell them that I can't, that my brain doesn't function that way.
In order for me to take life day by day, I have to know what needs to be done in order for me to be able to go with the flow. So when I learned about those two strengths, I wasn't completely shocked because it explained my personality.
With input, it stated that I craved to know more, relating to my intellection: it's like I want to know certain information and I either ask questions or I do my own little research, which can take me down a rabbit hole. Empathy speaks for itself in the sense that I'm able to put myself in other's shoes to understand where they're coming from. Sometimes I don't have to be able to imagine it, but I've seen where it could be applied to my day to day life.
The strengths assessment has made me reflect on how I function, but also how I've changed as a person. While I'm still the same Qulea, forever and always weird, I've grown in my analysis of how I view the world, myself, and others. My emotions have matured some and yet, they're still the same. I've begun to take on leadership roles in order to gain those skills and also to get myself out of my comfort zone. I've never done it and I'm surprised I actually accepted those roles.
I think the main point of this is, that I'm proud of myself. I'm proud that I've managed to continue staying true to who I am and push myself.
