In my teenage years my father thought my social skills were incredibly weak. My family was closed off and only a few friends were occasionally invited to the household. I went out occasionally but nowhere near as much as many of my peers. Because of those household rules, even though I was friends with plenty of people, it ironically gave the impression at home that I was a hermit. To ensure I became the frisky, silver-tongued Dominican I was expected to be my father made me read a book titled How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Little did my dad know I was already a great talker as is, so much so that I convinced him I didn’t need the book and he instead forced my preteen brother to do so (the poor soul). I wasn’t off the hook though. Despite my stoic personality my father also thought I was terrible at dealing with stress! Thus I was coerced into reading an even longer book by the same author titled How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. My high school years were clearly the best.

All kidding aside, I understand the value of these books and why they are important to people. Personally, after reading I didn’t learn anything I didn’t already know. The compilation of real life stories and analysis on how people handle stress put me to sleep, which I suppose relieved stress. But there was on lesson, one line actually, that I took with me and applied to my everyday life. That lesson was this: if I am worrying or even just stressed, I ask myself, “Have I done everything I can to handle the situation that is stressing me.” If the answer is no, I make a list or schedule on how I can plan my day(s) to do as much as I can to prepare or handle the situation that is truly beneficial, and not detrimental or anxiety-induced. If I follow through with my plan, sure I will have some healthy stress on my back but nothing overwhelming because I am actively doing what I can in the best way I can to deal with the given situation.

The other answer I could have given to the original question is yes, and I have truly done everything I can to approach the situation and any further work is simply due to misguided stress or will not help me. In that case, why worry? Sure that healthy amount of stress will be present, but why worry about anything you either don’t have control of or have done everything you can to control? I know it appears to be an overly simplistic way of handling stress and anxiety, but it is effective if you commit to following through with it. I found that when I was heavily stressed or nervous it was because I did not have a plan, I approached things in a sloppy manner that did not let me do everything I could to get the outcome I wanted, and I procrastinated. Other times when I did everything I could do, I would doubt myself or put excessive energy doing things that would not benefit me. Once I took this approach and made it my philosophy I felt a lot more at ease, often when others in my position felt the exact opposite.

Needless to say, there are plenty of other supplementary ways to handle stress and anxiety such as exercising, staying healthy, investing time into hobbies, etc. This is more of mental approach to analyzing the facts, taking action, and understanding what you can and cannot do to deal with situations. So, although I’d never admit it to my father, I’m thankful I got to read the book for that one line that changed how I approach my life for the better.