They said it would happen, our friends, family, teachers. They warned us it would happen, but we were too stubborn to listen to them. Because while we were so busy focusing on getting good grades, worrying about deadlines, working, doing after school activities, clubs, organizations and maintaining a social life, we never had the chance to stop and pause at whatever was going on in our lives. To step back and realize how fast our lives were going by. In the blink of an eye, everything changed. One minute you're standing in front of a school, a backpack filled with new school supplies on your first day of Kindergarten. The next moment you're sitting on your bed in your dorm room at college, looking over at your desk and avoiding that big pile of work you still have to do. You look over at your calendar and see the countdown though, not just for the end of the semester, but for something bigger than that. I'm talking about graduation. Yes, graduation, even typing that word freaks me out, saying it is a whole other thing too.

But we knew it was going to happen at some point. It sounds so simple, because it is. It's just like going through four years of middle school and high school right? Wrong. It is absolutely nothing like that at all. Because unlike middle school and high school where you knew what you're next step was going to be, after you graduate college, there is no guarantee with what will happen or where you'll go or what's next. You're no longer following the same path you've always taken. Now you're given a map with no exact destination, not even any clues to what you're supposed to follow to get you to where you want to go. You kind of feel like a goldfish whose been trapped in a fishbowl your entire life and now out of nowhere you're being thrown into the sea with no idea how to navigate where you're going. And to be honest with you, that scares me so much.

Going into my senior year of college, it never dawned on me that it was my last year. I kind of pretended that it wasn't happening because I figured I still had a lot of time left. More time to create memories with my friends and fulfill my entire college experience. But now it's almost the end of April and I have exactly 24 days until I graduate. My time at college is running out and I can't stop it. Soon this will all be in the past and these moments will be nothing but good stories to tell others.They'll no longer be something I always used to do or did yesterday or last month.

My life is about to change, for the first time in seventeen years I won't have a normal routine of going to school and classes. I'll no longer have an organized and precise schedule of all the things I need to get done. Everything is going to be different from what I've been so used to these past seventeen years and even more so these past four years.

I won't have my own room, my home away from home, my sanctuary. A place where I could escape and call my own. When you first walk in and you see the bare walls, furniture practically falling apart, a closet half the size of the one at your house and a bed so uncomfortable and squeaky you can't almost bear it sometimes. But despite all of that, I wouldn't take any of away because I was able to put up my posters, dedicate an entire wall filled with Polaroid pictures of my friends and family. Fit most of my clothes into that closet and make my bed everyday with all of my blankets and pillows covering it. It was all me, it was my own. It gave me only a little taste of what my life could be like when I permanently move out and have my own place. And without that experience, with some good and bad times, I wouldn't be ready to do it for real in the distant future.

I won't be two minutes away from my friends anymore or have that freedom to just drop everything and go out at ten o' clock at night to get something to eat just because we could do that. I'll miss driving around through the city late at night because everything's so much better at night. When all the lights are on and around you, and you stick your head or your hand out the window and feel that cool breeze brush against you. I'll miss knowing that I could text them and they'd be knocking at my door the second after, dropping everything for you because you needed them and they're always there for you. I'll miss long boarding around campus when there's no one around and you have the whole place to yourself for once because that sounds impossible. Skating down hills, falling down, getting back up, sitting down on the boards and letting our legs and feet hang from the sides because in that moment we knew that nothing could stop us, we were invincible. I may not have had a group or a whole bunch of friends in college, but the ones I made I know I'll have them in my life forever.

I won't have anymore first days of school. No more walking to buildings and being late because I kept getting lost on my way to find the classroom.

I won't ever have to eat food from the dinning hall again (this is a blessing).

I won't have any more 8 AM's.

I won't have any more papers, exams, and presentations.

I know this all sounds great right now, but truthfully, I'm going to miss it all. Because for the past four years all of that was my life. It defined me and it made me into the person I am today. Now that it's all going to be gone soon, what is my life going to be like now? I'm still trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do with the rest of my life. I don't know what I'm doing after I graduate, I don't have a plan, I don't even have a "plan." I know a lot of us have everything set for the rest of their lives and they're able to answer the questions their parents and relatives ask them like "What do your next ten years look like?" "What's next on the agenda?" "You have any jobs lined up yet?" And that's great for them, really, I'm so happy for you. That you are someone who can do that. Believe me, I wish I could give you all the right answers or even any answer, but I can't. And that does scare me, or at least it used to.

Recently I was talking to my mom and I was telling her how much this semester had taken a toll on me. How tired I was, physically and mentally to a point where I just wanted to quit sometimes and drop out because that's so easy to do. She knows how much pressure and stress I put on myself. How much I get myself worked up over getting an 80 on a quiz when I knew I should have gotten higher if I just studied harder. Or how upset I am over being less than a few grade points from lifting my already great GPA so I could get the second highest achievement for getting an honor chord. Now I'm not trying to boast or brag or make you feel like you need to feel bad for me because I don't expect you to feel any of that towards me. Because it's my fault that I'm like that. I'm the one putting so much pressure on myself to be the absolute best I can be. At the end of the day though, none of that stuff I worried and got myself sick to my stomach over will matter. It will just be a grade and a colored decoration to add to my gown.

But when I was feeling this way and I was crying to her, my mom gave me some pretty great advice much like she always does. She told me that when I graduate to not worry about finding the perfect job. She told me to go out and do something fun. To just live and enjoy life. And she's right because I've sort of forgotten how to do that.

I've come to realize pretty recently that life is going by so fast. We don't stop and really think about it. Maybe because we don't want to admit to ourselves that it's true. I'm twenty-two and although I still see that as young and I'm excited to see where this new chapter takes me, it still seems like just yesterday I was a nervous fourteen-year-old entering high school for her freshman year. And look at me now, I've almost made it through college.

We all can't wait to grow up. We can't wait to get out of middle school. To get out of high school. To get out of college. But then we're standing in a big crowd, surrounded by a sea of matching caps and gowns and before you know it the ceremony's over and people are throwing their caps in the air and all you have left is a piece of paper and the memories that you try so hard to hold onto and never let go.

So, here's my advice to you upcoming graduates and future graduates: don't wish to grow up so fast and say to yourself how you can't wait to get out and move on to the next big chapter in your life. Because come May 13th, I'll be wishing I was still a Freshman just starting at college.

I may be ready to graduate college, with all the requirements met, but that doesn't mean I'm ready for all the change it's going to bring.

I'm scared I won't find my dream job or any job for that matter and I've wasted four years getting a degree I can't even use.

I'm scared I'll never see my friends again because we'll all be too busy following our dreams and drifting apart.

I'm scared that I won't make anything of myself. I spent seventeen years being a perfectionist, stressing myself to a point where I felt physically and mentally sick. Working my ass off to get good grades and beating myself up for not doing better at something. Now that won't be a part of my life anymore and I don't know if I should feel happy or sad about that. The truth is, I don't know how to function outside of a school or learning environment because I've been so accustomed to a routine and now I'll be breaking it.

I've never cried so much before until this past semester, sometimes a few times in just one day. Because it's finally dawned on me that this is it. I can't go back and redo anything no matter how much I want to. It's over.

I need to tell myself that everything will be alright though. That graduating and starting a new life for me is the best thing that could ever happen to me. You don't realize it now but I can do whatever I want.

I can finally read that book I've wanted to read but was always too busy with schoolwork.

I can take up a new hobby I've always wanted to try but never could because I could never put enough time into it because I was always so busy.

I can travel because there's no better time to do it than now.

I can spend more time with my family because I felt like I never got enough time with them. Now I can create new memories with them.

I can watch the sunset or wake up early to watch the sunrise just because I feel like it.

I can start to appreciate the little things, the things I used to take for granted.

I can volunteer or try something new, face my fears. Fall in love with someone or, better yet, fall in love with myself.

Once you see all the possibilities and opportunities out there, life doesn't seem so scary anymore. Sure, I may not get my dream job as soon as I graduate, or even in those first few months or even in that first year. Am I going to let it get me down? No, because I'm going to enjoy life for once because I haven't done that in a very long time. I want to feel pure, unapologetic happiness, laugh out loud, smile widely, and just be free. Free from responsibilities, free from deadlines, free from pleasing everyone, free from my negative thoughts and stress and pressure. I want to know how it feels to live life without any routine or schedule for a little bit and I shouldn't have to feel ashamed for wanting to do that. I want to enjoy life and not feel stuck or doing what everyone else is. I want to be that person who when she sees it raining out and everyone else is either taking shelter or shielding themselves, is out in the middle of the road or yard and is dancing and hanging her head back and taking it all in. Because let me tell you, if you don't stop and look around and appreciate everything life has to offer you, you'll miss out on so many missed opportunities by playing things safe. So take risks and be unconventional.

We have our whole lives to be tied down to something, but we only have so long to enjoy life and still learn and figure out who we are. I don't know about you, but I don't intend to take any of that time for granted.

So yes, I'm afraid to graduate and there's nothing wrong with that. It's okay to feel lost, because that just means you're that much closer to finding yourself.

Congratulations class of 2017. And to every other class to come after us, you can do this. Be afraid, be unprepared, be free.

I'm ready.