A while ago, I read this comic by Matthew Inman, the artist behind The Oatmeal, and it got me thinking. In this comic, Inman explains that he wouldn’t consider himself a happy person because our definition of happiness is too vague and too permanent to accurately describe the tumultuous ups and downs of the human experience. He would rather be frustrated, interested, and striving than simply “happy”. After reading his comic, I started reflecting on my own battles with happiness.

Growing up, people always asked me how I’m doing. Am I sleeping enough? Am I eating well? Am I happy? That last question always tripped me up because more often than not I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t always smiling or laughing. I wasn’t in a state of constant, bubbly joy. But for some reason, it seemed like I was supposed to be. People were always telling me to smile, to look happier. So I came to the conclusion that something was wrong with me because I wasn’t happy all the time.

Happiness became something to strive for, to look forward to, some sort of secret to uncover that would lead to eternal bliss. But for some reason, I wasn’t finding it. After years and years of searching, I still wasn’t happy. So what was wrong with me? Was I missing some fundamental truth that everyone else understood? Was I absent the day we went over it in school? I spent way too much of my time wondering why I wasn’t happy and asking myself what I could possibly do to make myself finally happy.

I wish someone would have told me that happiness isn’t a goal. It isn’t the trophy at the end of a difficult video game. It isn’t even “the journey” as some people put it, implying that the path to happiness is justified by some permanent, joyous endgame. Happiness itself isn’t even what I want to strive for at this point. I wish someone would've told me that it's okay not to be happy. That the joys in life come not from some superficial idealization of happiness but from the struggles we face. Happiness is as fickle as any other emotion. Instead of trying to be happy, I want to be driven and motivated. When I'm writing, I'm constantly frustrated and feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall, but I love it. I love that feeling when plot and characters finally fall into place and everything makes sense.

Life is about so much more than being happy. It’s about doing whatever you find meaningful and fulfilling, regardless of if it helps you achieve some arbitrary idea of happiness. Also, if you like that comic and typically enjoy funny things, Matthew Inman has plenty of others like it on his website theoatmeal.com.