Dear Perfect Ex-Boyfriend,
You were too good to be true. You were my king, I was your queen and "we were gonna be the greatest love story this town has ever seen". Wow, that was cheesy, but LANco took the words right out of my mouth. I remember talking to my favorite person one night and the one advice she gave me regarding all the guys in this world was: "Guys are douchebags, if you ever find a decent one you gotta keep him".
And here I am. Lucky me, I think, I found a decent one, but I let him go anyways, let him slip through my hands, broke his heart and ended the greatest love story this town would've ever seen. Trust me, it wasn't easy. I sure made it seem like it was, acting all confident on the outside, never shedding a single tear in front of you. On the inside however, my mind was racing. Questioning every word that was coming out of my mouth, replaying every single memory we had together, desperately focussing on what I needed to say, while trying to not make it worse for you. (I obviously failed at that one). What I wanna say is, that making the decision to let you go was as tough for me as it is for you, knowing I am the one who hurt you does not make it any easier.
Onto the next part: The big "WHY?"
That's a good one. It's so confusing, so complicated, so uncomprehensive that it's almost impossible to explain. But I'll try anyways.
There's the distance. Living thousands of miles apart took its toll on both of us. Between time difference, crazy schedules, that make keeping up with each other on a daily basis difficult, and different life styles, I often felt like I wasn't able to give you the attention you deserved. You never complained, but I knew it. And I didn't want you feeling like that all the time.
Where you come from, life is different. It's faster. And while you were ready to settle down in your early twenties, I was not. At 20 years old I want to travel, live my life, be selfish sometimes, go to college and invest in my future. At 20 years old I don't wanna make life decisions, I wanna make mistakes, take the wrong path just to realize I gotta turn around and take another one. How are you supposed to know what's right if you've never done anything wrong? I felt like there is still so much to see and experience for me and like I was missing out on something if I decided to settle down right now. I know you understood, but I didn't want to withhold something from you, that you were wanting so bad. Something you deserved, but something I wasn't ready to give you yet.
I wanted you to be free. Free to find somebody to settle down with eventually, instead of waiting for someone who doesn't know when she is able to come back and see you, someone who doesn't know what she wants in life yet, someone who still has to figure it all out.
You were perfect, in every way. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you, for not being able to return all your promises.
While my heart aches just thinking about it, I hope you find someone else. I hope you find someone who can be there all the time, someone who has it all figured out, ready to settle down. I hope you find someone who returns all your promises, gives you the attention you deserve and treats you as perfect as you treat her.
"My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold."
And who knows, maybe I will be able to quote some lines of Jana Kramer's "I got the boy" one day, even if it's not something I joyfully look forward to.
And finally: Thank you. Thank you for making me the happiest girl in the world and for treating me like a princess. But most importantly, thank you for understanding the hardest decision I ever had to make.
