Ah, the infamous "Iron Man." And no, it is not related to the Robert Downey films. I'm talking about the sacred tradition performed by William and Mary students for decades.
In case you are still confused, the Iron Man combines completing all 3 elements of the rituals that William and Mary students should complete before graduating in one night. Not too bad, right? Oh, one more thing: you must be completely naked for every one of them for it to be considered a true Iron Man.
Not everyone will be up to this task. It takes the perfect formula to complete flawlessly, and I'm here to share my secrets with all of you brave souls who are up to the challenge:
First:
The order you complete each task is crucial. To complete the Iron Man efficiently, you should begin by hopping the Governor's wall, move to the Sunken Garden to streak, and finish off with a skinny dip into the Crim Dell. The reasoning behind this is simple: you need the bulk of your adrenaline for the most dangerous location, the Governor's palace. Streaking should come before your plunge into Crim Dell because who the hell wants to streak covered in stagnant water sludge? Trust me, after you dip into the Dell you'll want to shower immediately.
Second:
TIMING. I cannot emphasize enough how important timing is for this. Through several rounds of trial and error, I have determined the perfect times to accomplish the Iron Man while encountering the minimal amount of people and cops. You'll want to execute this journey on either a Tuesday or Wednesday between the hours of 3 am and 3:30 am. This time is between when the late night studiers will be returning home and when the early-risers are starting to move about.
Third:
Your outfit choice will play a major role in the success of the completion of this beautiful tradition. Because all of these tasks must be done naked, you'll want to be wearing the loosest fitting top that is easily removed upon arrival to each location. Pants are optional, but I recommend finding a loose enough fitting sweatshirt that will allow you to participate without the hassle of dealing with bottoms.
Fourth:
While this is optional, I highly encourage you to consider your intoxication level. While you may be thinking "I need to be blackout drunk, right?" WRONG. Depending on your tolerance, you'll want to take just enough shots (typically 3-5 depending) to allow you to feel invincible but still able to make clearheaded decisions in case of any emergencies.
Now, this advice is sure to help you complete the Iron Man effectively and efficiently. However, I want to make it very clear that I am not responsible for any silly mistakes or accidents that may occur during the attempt of this tradition. Take caution when deciding to participate: I wish you luck should you decide to attempt this.
