If people had thought bubbles, we would all be screwed. Being nice and sugar coating things sounds a lot more polite than telling you what I actually think. Some people take the truth the wrong way. Let’s be glad we aren’t cartoon characters in a comic book or the newspaper.

1. “I have to go.” What I really mean is I am having a very unpleasant time and need to escape this situation.
2. “It was so great seeing you, let’s do it again sometime.” I am deleting your number as we speak…
3. “I never got your message.” Yes, I did. I am not interested in whatever it is so I will act clueless.
4. “I’m busy right now, sorry!” I’m in my fat clothes binging on Netflix eating junk food, please do not disturb.
5. “I was totally kidding.” I was being honest but it offended you so we can just laugh it off awkwardly.
6. “I don’t remember that.” I remember it clearly, but let’s never bring it up again.
7. “Sorry, I am taken.” I am enjoying the company of myself...no thanks.
8. “I’m on my way.” I am still in bed so I am going to pretend I have been stuck in traffic.
9. “My phone number is 621-111-blah blah blah.” That is not my phone number but let’s hope they don’t notice until they walk away.
10. “No, it’s fine.” It is not “fine” and I am actually deeply annoyed.
11. “Yeah, I’m listening.” I am scrolling on social media but I will keep saying “yeah” to make you feel like I am engaging in this conversation.