Throughout my entire high school career, I think I have always been defined by one label: "the nice girl." Of course there is nothing wrong with that title at all, and in fact, I think many people should start embracing this category more often. The aspect that really sucked though, about being lumped into this "nice girl" category was the characteristics associated with it. Not only was I deemed the "nice girl," but I was also known to apologize too much, often would not stand up for myself, and would never speak up about my own opinions.
As someone who has been trapped in this bubble her whole life, I've come to learn that it is not always healthy to sit in the background and remain neutral while allowing everyone else to dictate your life for you. At some point in time, whether you like it or not, it is necessary to be independent and to stop sweating the small stuff.
One major indication that an individual is a people pleaser would be if he or she constantly feels a responsibility towards another person's feelings. Sometimes your friends may want to share their personal issues with you, and that is completely acceptable, but a people pleaser tends to take things to the extreme. He or she may become too accommodating, and feel obligated to help his or her friends regardless of the sacrifices it takes to cater to them.
Sometimes these are sacrifices that people who are eager to please do not necessarily want to make. It is so tiring to constantly feel responsible for another person's happiness and contentment. If you are a people pleaser, learn to realize that sometimes people go to you maybe for the sole reason that you are a good listener and friend. They do not always expect you to adapt to their situation. It is theirsfor a reason.
Another major signal that you always feel the need to please people would be if you always remain neutral, and tend to never take sides in a conflict even if you do have a stance on the situation. If two of your friends were fighting, and they each gave you their side of the story, you would act as if you have no opinion on the matter even if deep down, you know you truly do. This is because you are allowing the bigger part of you that does not want to experience rejection from anyone, win. Please stop being so consumed by the idea of being liked and accepted by everyone because this is not something that will always be a reality in life.
Lastly, by being a people pleaser, you constantly suppress your own thoughts and emotions for the sake of others. If someone hurts your feelings, you tend to fade into the background rather than be straight up honest about it just because you are scared of the outcome of confrontation. You cannot predict what could happen, and that reality scares you. You are also terrified that maybe you are overanalyzing the situation, or maybe that your feelings are invalid. This is never true at all. My friend told me once that everyone is entitled to their own feelings, and to always remember that your feelings do matter.
At the end of the day, being a people pleaser may seem like the ideal route, but it is not always the most authentic to oneself. Ever since coming to college, I think I have learned more about how important it is to be genuine to oneself because, at some points in life, you really can only rely on yourself. If you are not being true to who you are and what you believe in now, it might lead to a path you cannot escape out of later on.
So, take a step back, take some time to reflect on who you truly are, or even who you would want to be, and start manifesting your thoughts into reality for once.
