For most, The Super Bowl is the most wonderful time of the year. Whether people are rooting for their favorite team or just hope that the team that they hate does not win, it seems like The Super Bowl has a little something for everyone-- even if you just do not get what the big deal is with football.
1. Arriving to your Super Bowl social gathering
You walk in to see your friends/family wearing their favorite team's gear or colors and you instantly get on your high horse because you are "so above" this whole football thing. It is silly to watch grown men running around tackling each other to try and get the ball so they can win an oversized, shiny paperweight. At least with the bachelor, it is grown women fighting over one guy and if they win they get fiancé and a rose (which will eventually die, just like their love).
2. Food, Food, Food, Food, FOOD!!
Maybe there is something that you and football fans have in common.. an unconditional love for food. Bring on the guac, chicken fingers, mini hot dogs, burgers, potato skins, nachos, chili, and PIZZA (sweet, beautiful pizza)! It's like Thanksgiving, but with funny commercials!
3. Game time
As everyone gathers around the television like children gathering around the tree on Christmas morning, you question drinking something really strong in big gulps until you eventually pass out OR eating my entire body weight in chips and guac thus putting me int a hibernation for the rest of winter/basketball season.. like a bear!
4. Boredom of trying to participate but failing miserably
Ok, there is some action going on.. followed by a time out or the refs talking about what they are doing after the game two seconds later. So because you have an attention span longer than a gold fish, the constant change of subject can be a little overwhelming... is it impossible to focus on one task for five minutes without interruption? Also, how are there so many rules and how do people remember all of them? What does the little yellow cloth mean? Why are we cheering? SO MANY QUESTIONS LEFT UNANSWERED!
5. It is frowned upon to talk during the game
Unless you are cheering or displaying frustration, apparently all other forms of conversation during game play are forbidden, or discouraged depending how gentle the crowd you are hanging with is. What if you just want to talk about something that is actually important like that Justin Bieber is back on Instagram after a 24-week break, the puppy bowl, or be festive and talk about if The Super Bowl was a battle of actual mascots (would they have to increase the falcon to patriot ratio to make it fair??
6. The Budweiser commercial
Not much needs to be said here, just pass the tissues because tears are inevitable. This is the only part of The Super Bowl worth any attention.
7. Constantly debating streaming The Puppy Bowl on your phone
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The only mistake that could be made during The Super Bowl is not watching The Puppy Bowl (and not eating your body weight in nachos). THIS YEAR THE PUPPY BOWL FEATURES THREE SPECIAL NEEDS PUPPIES-- that alone is much more important than The Atlanta Falcons and The New England Patriots combined... do not argue with me on this!
8. The Halftime Show
Where will you find the top meme for the rest of the year? The Super Bowl Halftime show! Long live left shark!
...And yeah the music is good too, I guess.
9. When you start to actually understand the game... maybe
When one team takes down someone from the other team with the ball then they stop... kinda understand that.
And that is about it!
10. When it is finally over
You did it! Congratulations! You kept the complaining to the minimum, you did not disturb the football believer's viewing, and you only thought about all of the better things you could be doing rather than watching this a minimum of times! You deserve a trophy, but since we already established that it is a pretty much a glorified paper weight enjoy a cupcake!
