We all know that one guy. You know, the obnoxious dude who has to one-up
everyone in a conversation. Some of this, you really can't make up. Here is an example of how it plays out.
Me: Yeah, I just
got back this summer from the military.
Him (obnoxiously butts into the conversation from across the room): Oh, really, dude?!
Bro, I was deployed before rushing here. I kid you not. There I was, knee deep
in empty shells, blood, and dip spit as the Chinese stormed our position, and
you know what I did? I threw a blow up doll at them and they ran away! Hahaha, look at me! That was so frat
Me: I
wasn't aware we were fighting the Chinese.
Him: Bro, I was Special Forces, recon Navy SEAL ranger. You probably haven't heard of
that, it's top secret. You know how it is.
Me:
That's awesome, who do you even know here?
This guy is everywhere -- not just a rushee or freshman. Easy tips to identify him? It's not hard. He generally tries to talk to
every girl and freshman to make them think he is a cool guy. If it sounds pretty
illegal or stupid, that’s the guy I'm talking about. Usually he is trying to
impress some unfortunate girl.
Here is another sample conversation.
Girl trying to
not make the conversation awkward: So are you going to that study session
later?
Him:
Study? Haha, I just paid off TAs to pass me. My dad's like a senator and
country star. Do you even know who I am?!
Girl:
No, not --
Him : I'm
the new quarterback for the team. I was All-State and a top recruit since I was
in middle school.
Her:
Cool. I guess --
Him:
Yeah, it’s cool. My dad wanted me to go here because I'm a super legacy at and they begged me to come to school here. I said
I'd think about it only if they got President Obama to call me and personally
ask me. Barry O's on speed dial but, you know, who wants to call him?
Her (rolls
eyes because she can't even tell him she’s not interested).
Him (ignores signals): So, you should totally come out to Cancun with me. I got my personal
yacht out there, you know, I usually invite models, and stuff, but I guess you
could come.
Her (does not get chance to say no).
Him:
Okay, cool, I will pick you up in my limo! It's so frat!
Her: No,
that’s okay. I'm pretty busy as it is (walks away).
Him (turns to any guy within a 10 foot radius): Dude, she totally wants me. She's
coming over later to my penthouse.
Guy: I
thought you lived in the crappy dorms?
Him: Bro, where have you been? I like moved out of there when my dad saw how terrible it
was!
Guy: I
just saw you in there yesterday!
Him: I
was moving out, ya know, just trying to get the nonstop party in my room out!
Guy:
Yeah, you totally have a nonstop party in there. Kegs on kegs, right?
Him:
Dude, you know it! I get dimes, bro!
Guy:
Yeah, dimes (walks away).
Fellas,
if you are this guy, just stop. Nobody wants to be that guy.
Welcome back
Sign in to comment to your favorite stories, participate in your community and interact with your friends
or
LOG IN WITH FACEBOOKNo account? Create one
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
StableDiffusion
1. Please just be seasonal allergies
You wake up feeling icky one morning and think “Oh it must be allergies, I bet I’m fine.”
2. I must not have gotten enough sleep last night
You go through your day as normal, but you feel gross and more tired than usual.
3. I’ll just take a little nap
You finally get back from class and work and think “Oh, I’m just going to lie down in bed for a little bit.”
4. Oh no, I have so much due tomorrow!
You wake up and realize you slept six hours, it is now 11 pm and you have done none of your homework.
5. I’m fine, I’ll just sleep it off
You stay up until 3 am doing the homework and finally get to go to sleep, you think “Oh I’ll be better in the morning” (clearly you’re in denial).
6. Do I have to be responsible today?
You wake up that morning, you have slept through your alarm and don’t even want to get up.
7. Ugh no, I can’t actually be sick
You start thinking, “maybe this isn’t allergies.”
8. Alright, I’ll take some medicine and I’ll be fine
You throw on clothes really quick, go to your classes (even though you’re late) and go to work anyway (still in denial).
9. This is the worst day of my life
You get back from class and work again and your nose is stuffed, you’re coughing and you feel dizzy.
10. Mom?
You call your mom because she always knows what to do.
11. She was right (like always)
She tells you to take your temperature, you do and you find out you have a fever.
12. Too bad you're busy and can’t take the day off tomorrow
You decide to take some medicine and sleep it off, because of course, you have to be better for class, work and any activity you have for the next day.
13. You think about taking the day off, but realize you have like three tests
The next morning, you’re behind on classwork, you still have a fever, but you can’t miss your classes and you have a very busy day, so you go anyway.
14. You think you're actually going to be sick forever
The cycle continues, until it's either the weekend or you decide work and class can wait and you need a day to rest.
15. Finally, you're better!
Eventually, after being sick through class and work for about a week or so you’re finally better, and you pray that you don’t get sick again, only to do it all over the next month.
Janko Ferlic
1. You only ask things once.
Asking to go to your friends house a second time is futile. In fact, it may make things worse.
2. Seriously, you only ask once.
You don’t get to go out Friday and Saturday, silly child. Choose one.
3. When you do muster up the courage to ask your parents for something, you creep around and wait until they’re in a good mood.
This significantly improves your chances of getting a yes. Pro tip: Doing extra chores helps.
4. Before you get that final yes, you have to go through an interview.
Who are you going with? What time? Where are you going? Who else is going? Who are their parents? Where do they work? How long have they been there?
5. If you ever got “the eye,” you knew you were screwed.
Prepare yourself for a lecture when you get home.
6. You were always the first to leave your group of friends when hanging out.
If you ever want to be able to go out again, you better go home on time.
7. If you say you will be home at a certain time, you better be home at that time.
Calls start coming the minute you’re late.
8. Seeing a missed call from your parents sends fear and horror through your veins.
R.I.P. if you see two or more missed calls.
9. If relatives are coming over to the house, your room better be clean.
Because the one room they will not go in determines the cleanliness of the rest of the house.
10. You are careful about what jokes you share with your parents.
Anything remotely inappropriate results in a 10 second joke turning into a 30 minute lecture.
11. "You’re not an adult until you turn 18! You can do whatever you want then!"
Disclaimer: When you turn 18, it becomes, “My roof, my rules.”
12. If plans change while you’re out, you better text or call.
Don't be that kid that gets caught by their parents driving somewhere they weren't supposed to be.
13. Don’t talk back. Ever.
I don’t care if you were told to hunt down the last unicorn in the world using a pot of gold stolen from the leprechaun at the end of a rainbow. Just do it.
14. When you’re called by your full name, you’re in deep trouble.
Say your prayers.
15. Don’t make them call your name twice.
The second you hear your name being called, drop everything you’re doing and run.
16. Sleepovers are not a thing.
They just aren’t. Why sleep somewhere else when you have a bed at home?
17. Despite all of these things, you know your parents love you.
They might not always show it, but they do.
tv.com
1. Pets
Getting a pet is great -- cats, dogs, fish, or any sort of thing you can keep makes you care for something beyond yourself and gives you company. (Some are huggable, too!) As a pet owner, you can definitely tell when they’ve gotten into trouble … and sometimes you get a little weird with them. Non-pet owners just wouldn’t understand.
2. Mornings
Without parents to wake you up, how do you even? Or, you know, if you fall asleep at your desk studying because you're working hard. Rough life, man. And mornings were hard enough as it was.
3. Mistakes
We all make mistakes, Ross. It's fine. Whether you mixed your colored laundry with your whites, or you were cleaning and you bleached something that was not meant to be bleached, there's gonna be nobody at fault but you. And even if you're by yourself (or your cat is judging you), you have to own up to it, and move on.
4. Cooking for yourself
Nobody can do sarcasm like Phoebe. Cooking is very exciting in the beginning and all, but once you're at that stage in your life when you're too lazy to even make ramen, and all you have in your fridge is an empty milk carton and some leftovers from last week, well, it's a lot less fun.
5. Hosting
You've finally got a place where your friends can hang and people can come over! But see above. Cooking, cleaning, all that stuff you need to do to prepare for guests is harder than it seems, and if you keep telling yourself that pizza isn't a cop-out, then everything will work out.
6. Taking care of yourself
Just like Chandler, you might not be entirely aware of what health and sanitation is. It's fine, we've all been there. And it's a lot harder than it seems. You're not alone.
7. Holidays
Since you can go all out, you will, and there's nothing your roommates can do about it. Friendsgiving? Heck yeah! St. Patty's Day? Of course! And best of all, Halloween, where your space becomes the spookiest around (on a budget, of course, nobody's made of money).
8. Roommates
So maybe you don't live exactly alone. It's good to have a roommate, right? Especially if they're a good roommate, so you don't have to be picking up after them or complaining to your cat. And when you want to have a do-nothing day, they'll be there for you (and you'll be there for them too.)
9. Keeping focused and getting stuff done
Don't even pretend. That's hilarious. If you can study, good for you, but the rest of us will be over here not doing what we should and hanging out with our friends instead. And cramming and panicking later.
10. Cleaning
If you've ever cleaned a place after a party, you are a survivor, a true warrior. Even cleaning bathrooms or the nooks and crannies of your place before a parent visits will yield some interesting results, however. You never know what you'll find, but it's usually not pleasant.
11. Social life
There's only two modes here: #foreveralone or everything's coming up roses. Without supervision or even any sort of restriction, you can do what you want to when you want to. That means going out ... or staying in. You can do whatever.
Trending Topics
Trending Stories
Best of Politics and Activism
![bored kid]()
![Bob's Burgers]()
![Rory Gilmore]()
