In an age when communication is constant thanks to texting, email, and social media, you wonder why you need yet another person to talk to. Wouldn’t more time away be better than having another social obligation? In most cases, yes. Disengaging from the social obligations of today’s world is incredibly freeing, but there is one case when you do not want to disengage. That is when you have a pen pal.

No. Not the type of pen pal the lives in another country/state that you wrote to about your favorite movie stars and crushes when you were nine. This is the type of pen pal who, well, could still live in another country/state, or in the next apartment that you write to about your deepest fantasies and secrets. And instead of writing, you’re texting, snap chatting, messaging. Long gone are the days of receiving handwritten letters in the mail. Though receiving handwritten letters from a special pen pal could be pure heaven and romantic. The bottom line is, this is not the type of pen pal that you tell your grandmother about.

There are no special criteria for this person other than one thing. Flirty. This needs to be a person that knows how to flirt with you in all the right ways. When you are at your most flirty, you are comfortable, which means you are ready to open up about your wildest sexual fantasy, your biggest career dreams, or about that time you tried to drown your baby brother when you were five.

In order to be that open with someone, it helps if that person has some distance from your actual life. That means that trying to be pen pals with someone you see on a regular basis could be tricky. Having distance allows us to be more open with people because there is a part of us that believes these conversations will never go beyond a screen. But this isn’t a bad thing!

It is fun and freeing to have someone that you can talk so openly with without the fear of what you’re saying being used against you in some way in your real life or turning someone against you. A pen pal is a chance for you to explore a new side of yourself too! Be adventurous with your fantasies. Break barriers with your dreams. Explore a new you!

A key thing about pen pals is that there is no one particular way to obtain one. There is also no one particular way to find out who is going to be the right fit for this. Pen pals come into your life organically. They could start as someone you messaged once in a while on Facebook, or on Tinder. It could be someone you met at a party years ago and lost touch with, but for some reason started texting with again. It doesn’t matter. Leave it up to the universe to find your pen pal for you. And be ready to embrace them when they come.