For a while, Speaker of the House and ironic Rage Against the Machine fan Paul Ryan held off as best as he could. From where he sat, there were but two positions to take. Endorse Donald Trump--that spray-tanned ham who refuses to go away--or back off and wait a little longer for the man to hopefully implode.

I had thought that Paul Ryan was amping up for a secret run at the nomination in the midst of a brokered convention. Alas, I am not that clever and the American People are not that lucky.

After meeting together last month (in which both Ryan and Trump dilly-dallied during the lead up) that led to a sort of bastardized "party unity", the two came out with a joint statement that said:

"The United Sates cannot afford another four years of the Obama White House, which is what Hillary Clinton represents. That is why it's critical for Republicans to unite...and do all we can to win this fall...While we were honest about our few differences, we recognize that there are many important areas of common ground,"

That common ground, as I take it, is the fact that Donald Trump wants to be President, and Donald Trump has an R next to his name on the ballot. And this is after long establishment Republicans (of which Ryan's Tea Party, or "Freedom Caucus" or whatever, is now a part) have been crying out that Trump isn't a real conservative. And this is hilarious in that Trump has basically taken a Tea Party platform, tweaked it a little bit, before coming out to say he'll "do it better" than the rest, because he "knows the best people."

Considering that the Republican Agenda seems to be Stop Hillary at all Costs, endorsing Trump was really all Speaker Ryan could do.

Now the question you might be asking is, "isn't it a little late for an endorsement?" Well...yes, this endorsement means absolutely nothing to Trump. The dude has ridden a wave of hatred and nonsense all the way to the top of the polls when pollsters and pundits alike snorted, laughed, and held their heads high while saying it would never happen.

Donald Trump is the presumptive Republican nominee. He has the delegates locked down, and there is nothing anybody can do at this point but accept that this is actually happening.

What Paul Ryan is doing is basically doubling down. As he wrote in his editorial to the Janesville Gazette:

"What could House Republicans do to give Americans a clear choice about the future of the country?"

Apparently all the House could do was look to the man with the obvious hair piece, exuding misogyny and racism and say, "Yep, that's the best we can do!"

"That's how I've always looked at it. I've spent most of my adult life pursuing ways to help protect the "American Idea" - the notion that the condition of one's birth does not determine the outcome of one's life."

Unless, you know, you're a woman, not straight, not white, and not born rich or surrounded by the rich. In which case, Speaker Ryan will look for any chance to determine the outcome of your life for you...because, well, he knows the American Dream better, apparently.

After outlining basically the entire Republican stump speech, "Repeal Obamacare, lower all taxes, get rid of the debt, yadda yadda yadda," Ryan then went on to write:

"To enact these ideas, we need a Republican President willing to sign them into law. That's why, when he sealed the nomination, I could not offer my support for Donald Trump before discussing policies and basic principles,"

So he's basically saying, "If you don't **** this up for me, I'll have your back," to which the spray-tanned ham presumably shook up an aerosol can and told Ryan to get to spraying.

Both Trump and Ryan see each other as a lackey. Trump, well, that's because he sees everyone as a lackey. Ryan sees Trump as the guy who can help make his time as Speaker a good record to run on in 2020, or 2024 if the country somehow stumbles into eight years of Trump like a drunk who got off at the wrong stop.

"...I feel confident that he would help us turn these ideas on this agenda into laws to help improve people's lives. That's why I'll be voting for him in the fall...It's no secret that he and I have our differences. I won't pretend otherwise. And when I feel the need to, I'll continue to speak my mind. But the reality is, on issues that make up our agenda, we have more common ground than disagreement...

"It's not just a choice of two people, but of two visions for America. And House Republicans are helping shape that Republican vision by offering a bold policy agenda, by offering a better way ahead. Donald Trump can help us make that a reality,"

Yep, the party is completely unified. The Republicans are strong-minded, with sound policy proposals and likable personalities, and their unique vision for America will not now, nor ever, be stopped! Pay no attention to the men quarreling behind the curtain, though.