When I was very little, I started going to church with my grandparents and my big sister. I remember the Cathedral always made me feel really small with its tall ceilings and stain glass windows that looked like they could touch the clouds if only given the opportunity. I still love looking at those windows and, even though I have grown up a bit, I still look up at them as if they could reach the clouds. At the top of one of my favorite windows, there is a depiction of a bunch of angels dressed in gowns of pure white with halos that glow in a simple elegance and wings rested behind them as they perch on the clouds in rows of threes and fours. I was told that those angels were the loved ones of people all over the world that have left us to be with God, but I think we are all angels already that just haven’t earned our halos or wings yet.
We are born into the role of an angel the second we reach this Earth, and as we grow and learn about ourselves and the world, we each travel down a path that is purely our own, but that doesn’t mean we are alone. This path is never an easy one, and it is never simple. There are twists and turns and cross roads where we decide what is best, but once we decide, there is no turning back. We can wait at these crucial moments to be sure that we aren’t flying blindly, or we can follow our hearts and let the road lead us where it will, but sometimes we can get tripped up.
Sometimes we lose our way and fall off the path that we have been following our whole lives, but just because we have fallen, doesn’t mean that we have sold our souls to the devil. It just means that we are confused and lost. We can no longer see our paths and sometimes that means we forget who we are inside the darkness that has crept into our souls just to plant roots in our hearts, and start on a new path that leads us deeper and deeper into the unknown, into a sense of self that follows only one thing that seems to cause the sting of the dark roots setting in our hearts to disappear for a time. Whether we follow a ring of smoke or the drip from the last drink from the bottle in hand or something even worse. We just have to lift away the pain, and that seems to do it for the time being, but there is always more.
Even though it seems like our only option at times, we don’t have to follow this path. Yes it is easier than the fight to get away from the darkness that grows in our hearts and takes over our minds, but we can still try. We can try to battle our way through the horrors that surround us. We can try to push against the black clouds that block our minds from making decisions that might lead us back into the light of day. We can try to pull at the roots that have been thriving off of our confusion.
Or if we are really lucky and happen to be near a really brave and loving soul, we can reach out and take the hand of the person on the other side of the wall of dark thoughts and tempting pain relievers. Because no matter how much this time spent in the dark has tried to tell us, we are not on our own in this world. We have families and friends that want to help pick us up when we fall, but we have to be able to let them. I know this can be hard, and I know that our hearts are telling us that we have to make it through alone, but this is never true. Yes we are all on our own individual paths on our way to our halos at the end, but we do cross paths occasionally. We run into people that share their stories and experiences with us as they help to shape who we are and we do the same for them. Though there may come a day when we reach a cross roads that sends us in opposite directions, that doesn’t leave us on our own. We carry a piece of them with us as we shape the world around us and follow our paths.
We don’t have to have wings to be angels. Sometimes it is simply a spirit that lives inside us to begin with, and that’s okay because one day that spirit will break free to receive the halo that will rest in elegance above our heads and the wings that will allow us to meet up with those we once met or to simply watch over the ones we love that still have a ways to go. We can peek out from behind the clouds just like the angels I see in the window with their gowns and halos and wings rested in rows. One day we will complete the vision of an angel that we all have implanted in our minds, but for now we are a work in progress on our paths to becoming exactly who we are. Angels.
