All of us have pasts. Whether they are great or not so great, they still follow us around. There is a saying: "If you focus on what you left behind you will never see what lies ahead." It's a great quote, but what if we can't stop focusing on what happened instead of what is happening? What if our past seems to control our ever move?

Dear Past,

We had some really great times, those are the best to remember. Like when we had our first kiss or received our first car. Sitting and remembering those things are what keep me going when things are hard. When grades aren't holding up or I'm feeling a little heart broken, I turn to the good times. The good times are the only part of you I want to remember but you also have a really dark side.

You're dark side is the worst side of you. All those heartbreaks, the boys I thought were good who turned out not to be, depression, anxiety and deaths. You're the side I focus on most, and it's destroying my present. Good guys don't even get a chance because you remind me how bad they could be. I never really get a break from the anxiety or the depression because I'm always more afraid of when they're coming back than happy that they're not here.The deaths never leave my mind. Knowing they're gone hurts more every single day. Everyone says it gets easier, but it never does. It's hard to wake up every day remembering the bad things, when there are so many good things to focus on.

So what do I do with you, Past? The shackles you have around me are too hard to break through. I keep waiting for the day where I will only look ahead and it always seems further and further away. At what point do I stop giving you this power over me? Sometimes you make life really hard to live.

Someday, past, I'll stop letting you control things. Someday I'll only remember the good things and the bad things will stay where they are supposed to. Someday I will stop destroying relationships, and being fearful of my depression and anxiety. Someday you won't matter so much.

Love,

Present