Love is romanticized. This may sound like a funny thing to say; after all, isn't love supposed to be romanticized? Isn't love supposed to take your breath away and make you feel especially joyful?
There are so many cliches about love: it gives you butterflies, it makes you feel like a new person, etc. Many of these are true at first; however, we see these feelings fade with time. Eventually a person who once gave one butterflies does not anymore and the excitement dissipates. This begs the question: what is love? When these feelings fade, is love gone?
We commonly hear people refer to the "honeymoon phase." This phase is often described as the period at the beginning of a relationship when the couple experiences an abundance of passion and excitement. This phase inevitably comes to an end if the relationship lasts long enough. Sadly, many couples take the ending of this phase to mean their love is lessening and attempt a variety of methods to rekindle the "spark." While some of these methods may add a degree of excitement and spontaneity to a relationship, rarely do they make the couple feel as they did in the beginning.
What many people fail to grasp is that this does not mark the downfall of a relationship. Losing the "spark" or feeling like one's relationship has fallen into a routine with a low degree of spontaneity is simply an inevitable fact of being in a long-term relationship. Many people may look at having this attitude as simply giving up and not being committed to reviving the "passion"; nevertheless, one must be realistic.
It is important to consider the origins of the end of the honeymoon phase. People often mark the end of the this phase as being when an individual no longer experiences "butterflies." So, to evaluate the cause of losing this feeling, we must determine what causes butterflies in the first place. This is a simple question to answer: nerves. We feel butterflies when we are anxious. Thus, losing this feeling is naturally a function of becoming comfortable around one's partner.
Taken in this fashion, the rest of the analysis falls easily into place: the honeymoon phase ends when two partners feel comfortable around each other. In a way, this is the ultimate kind of intimacy: being so close to another individual that one fails to see a reason to be nervous around him/her anymore.
Many individuals fear entering this stage of a relationship. Love and relationships are so frequently romanticized in the media that we believe butterflies and passion equate being "in love." While these feelings do create undeniable excitement and often lead us to look upon the beginning of our romantic relationships fondly, they are not a prerequisite for love. In fact, one could argue these feelings are not love at all, but merely lust and infatuation. Real love, in the end, is the feeling of total comfortableness which signals the end of the phase many people believe to be real love: the honeymoon phase.
The media, and society in general, has the order backwards. The end of the honeymoon phase does not signify falling out of love; rather, it marks the point when true love is finally achieved. So rather than strive for prolonging the honeymoon phase as long as possible, we should aim to follow the natural order of things and be complacent as our relationships fall into routine. After all, routine marks the openness and comfort of mature love.
