St. Patrick’s Day is coming up, which means parties galore! Sometimes socializing is hard, and no one wants to make a fool of themselves in front of people they don’t know. Follow these tips and you’ll be sure to be the most memorable party guest around.
- Carefully choose your outfit. I would personally go with this happy go-lucky tee from kendrablanca.com. When people make jokes about it, hiss in their faces.
- Bring your pet fish in a plastic bag. When people greet you, remind them not to forget about Mr. Sparkles.
- When someone tries to introduce themselves to you, interrupt them and yell, “NO NEW FRIENDS!”
- Stand by the drink table and make jokes about Jonestown.
- Point out anyone's obvious physical features. Examples: “Wow, you’re really tall!” “Wow, you’re so short!” Or, if someone is bald, "Nice hair!" If someone has a lot of tattoos or piercings, "Didn't those hurt?"
- Eat lots of Cheetos, focus on someone, and then suck the orange dust off your fingers without breaking eye contact.
- If you find someone you’re interested in, stand beside them and hum “Can You Feel the Love Tonight.” Don’t stop until you get through the whole song. Alternatively, write “I Love You” on your eyelids, sit across the room from them, and blink (a la “Indiana Jones.”)
- Offer to be the DJ. Play nothing but “Monster Mash.”
- Put clothes on a mushroom and put it in your pocket. Tell everyone it's your date and that "he's a fun guy.”
- Bring food for everyone! Personal recommendation: leftover fish that needs to be microwaved. It will also give the party a beachy atmosphere.
- Find groups of people who are listening to an interesting story. Interrupt the speaker to tell them you missed the beginning. People love starting their anecdotes all over again, so wave someone else over right before the story is over and request the speaker begin again. Circulate through the party and do this as many times as possible.
- If you’re waiting in line for the bathroom, take a survey on whether or not your fellow party goers need to do number one or number two. Participating in polls together is proven to promote bonding behavior.
- Pump everyone up by telling them you brought space cakes, which is what you call Little Debbie’s Cosmic Brownies.
- Befriend the host’s dog and speak only on his behalf for the rest of the night. When you leave, stuff the dog in your shirt and run.
Photo by 
Photo by 
Photo by 
Photo by 
