Emotions are a tricky thing. They come in like small waves breaking on the coastline, or as a wrecking ball aimed right at your sanity. They can bother you like a mosquito bothers you on a hot day. They can dissipate as quickly as they set in.
It's not always that easy.
Emotions can take on memories. They can cling on to your greatest achievements or your biggest failure. They can manifest themselves in the moments that spring into your mind randomly throughout your day, knocking the wind out of you as you're stuck reliving it all. You can feel every fiber in your body screaming to run, but you can't. You shake your head and push it down, down, down deep into the depth of your conscious mind, lock the door, and throw away the key.
They never really go away. The voices remain, quite for now, biding their time until you lower your guard by even a centimeter. They bust out and plan their next move.
Emotions morph into anxiety. They're the scenarios running through your head as you prepare for a speech, or hang out with your friends, or go on a date. It's all the ways that things can go wrong.
They start out innocent, like tripping over a word or ordering spaghetti. Then it gets darker, ominous; Friends start betraying you, your date stands you up or insults you for your interests.
It's that feeling of dread that builds up in your throat until the point that you'll just explode from the pressure. It drowns you, ruins your day. You want to stay home. You want to binge watch Netflix and eat Nutella and stay away from everyone. Your mind paints them as enemies.
But then you breathe. You close your eyes and breathe. You focus on one good thing. Maybe it's your favorite song, your best friend's laugh, your warm bed.
Just like that a small amount of positivity opens the gates as more and more good floods your mind. The sadness starts to melt. It never really leaves, but it's almost untraceable if only for this one moment.
Someone says your name. You snap out of it. You return to the present, the now, the tangible. The thoughts return to the depths of your own mind. They lose their power of you. They can't control you.
Emotions are a tricky thing. They are full of power, life, and meaning. They can fill your body up with so much joy it feels as if you can take on the world. In the end, you are your own worst critic. Your own brain can attack you, paralyze you, and make it feel like the whole world wants absolutely nothing to do with you. Its easy sometimes to let them in.
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Find your anchor. Find your smile, your laugh, your moment that brings you back. Breathe it in. Don't let go.
